


Just Our Secret - Gruvia

by redsvoid



Category: Fairy Tail, Manga - Fandom, anime - Fandom
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, F/M, Gruvia - Freeform, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 42,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsvoid/pseuds/redsvoid
Summary: Gray was still as attractive as the night it all happened. Every quality of his I loved; raven hair, tall, muscular... but despite looks he was a genuine great person. Actually, amazing. He put his friends first, held a secret for as long as promised, knew how to make even a stranger smile. He's the most loyal person I've ever met, it was just one night he decided to throw out his loyalty to the people who needed it most. For that, I blame myself.A no strings attached game, one already set into marriage while the other as free as a bird. Although neither of them want it to be just for one night, luckily for them it won't be - when a few weeks after, Juvia discovers something that will change her life forever.
Relationships: Gray Fullbuster/Juvia Lockser, Laxus Dreyar/Freed Justine, Levy McGarden/Gajeel Redfox, Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	1. Avoidance may be the only cure for my despair

My heart pounded with heat every time I just saw the slightest inch of him. From across the hallway he'd be there, smiling, unaware of any agony, chatting with his friends. I barely had the courage to go on campus that day. The exact moment he'd lock eyes with me, I'd give a little nod and immediately turn the other way. My ears catching the sound of him calling my name made it so much worse. I'd bite my lip in hesitation to actually engage in a small conversation with him. I can't bear it anymore, I've got this incredibly uncomfortable weight on my chest and he's got no worry on his mind, at least I hope so.

I couldn't just bring it upon him so suddenly. His reaction is unpredictable. I'd sit in class, my teeth chattered as the only thing my mind could concentrate on was back to the previous night. I didn't even sleep, and the options remained undecided for me so I chose not to let myself live on caffeine. I most likely had puke dripping from my lips when I decided to throw up my organs in my third class of the day.

Final class, I was patiently waiting in the bathroom for 15:00. I glared at my poor state in the mirror. Dark bags hung from my deep blue eyes, showing the lack of sleep I had gotten. My eyes red from all the crying I had done in the past hour. My ocean hair merely brushed, bangs frizzy and I tried my absolute best to hide my eyes. Now I had to face him. We shared this class, we sat next to each other. We'd spend most of it ignoring the Professor and in a world of our own.

Okay... it's three. I calmly release an exasperated breath, pick up my bag and go to face my demons.

_ _ _

I went home. I dodged it. I couldn't face him, I needed more time. He wasn't the only person I avoided that day, I may have also ditched Lucy when we planned to eat lunch together. Lucy has stuck by me my whole Uni life, she's the complete opposite of judgemental and would support my choice no matter what. So why did I feel the need to flake out on her too?

I dropped my bag as soon as I open the door to my shared apartment. I slam it shut behind me, only to find myself on the floor next to my bag the next. This time I was out of tears, all I felt was emptiness. I hadn't eaten anything all day, nor drank. I hooked my arms around my legs, which were clothed in some comfy leggings. My hands not showing as the sleeves from my cousin's hoodie were too big for me. My chin rested in between my knees as I replayed yesterday night, and the night six weeks ago. We'd been more distanced ever since, I knew he wanted to stay friends after that night but I just felt too weird about it. I hated not being friends with him, I needed someone to rant and rave to yet we made a pact it was just between us, he wouldn't tell his best friend and I wouldn't tell mine.

I spent over the duration of the class on the floor. It's been over hour. After my draining sighs and whimpers, my phone pinged. A little part of me is begging it's him, asking how I'm doing and if I'm alright. However I may have gotten a message along those lines, instead it was from a fellow blondie.

'Juv, where've you been all day? You've been avoiding everyone and even Gray told me you didn't show up to your politics class. Everything okay?'

Just reading his name made me recall how badly I messed up. I could already picture a revolted expression once I told him the truth.

My back was beginning to get sore, so I just about managed to stand up. My headache was beginning to get to me and the best thing to do while in this situation was keep myself hydrated. I pick up my bag and throw it down to the velvet couch, and as I was about to head into the kitchen to get some water I hear a knock at the door. On the counter I spotted a key set so my roommate must've accidentally left them there and needed letting in.

I turned the knob, open the door widely to be eagerly greeted seeming as she's such a chipper person, and suddenly my legs start trembling. Every bone in my body following. I had no idea what to say. I tried to talk yet as I opened my mouth so sound came out.

Gray was still as attractive as the night it all happened. Every quality of his I loved; raven hair, tall, muscular... but despite looks he was a genuine great person. Actually, amazing. He put his friends first, held a secret for as long as promised, knew how to make even a stranger smile. He's the most loyal person I've ever met, it was just one night he decided to throw out his loyalty to the people who needed it most. For that, I blame myself.

His piercing eyes were enough to prick a hole in my heart. Normally I'd be greeted with a seducing smirk, this time only fret showcased across his face.

"Can I come in?"

No, absolutely not. I can't tell him, not right now.

Because of my silence as a reply, he allowed himself in. His large hand brushed on my shoulder to gently ease me aside, yet that touch just gave me a reminder of his hand grazing up my exposed thigh. His eyes remain on me as he gently closes the door, it's going to be so difficult to lie to those eyes. By the way he eyed me up and down, lips folding in, he was clearly hesitant to speak. During our secrecy pact of that forbidden night, we swore that unless we were in desperate need for another round, we'd never speak of it again. It'd just be a one time thing, pleasure only. Friends just engaging in something a little more than a deep conversation for comfort.

From all the nerves building up in me, my teeth started to nibble at my nails. I rarely do it. I'm just scared... actually I'm terrified. I've been worrying about what Gray would think all day and hadn't even taken into thought my options yet.

"Look, I know we said we were never gonna say anything about it but ever since that night, we've been weird with each other. Especially you. I'm gonna be honest and say I thought we were finally getting back on track but you were really strange today,"

I need to come up with a good excuse and fast. I should just grow up and tell him the truth but I need more time to think about this. If I end up deciding I don't want to go through with it he never actually has to know, which will be better for the both of us in the long run. I'll keep him distracted for now, yet I know I'll just have the guilt stuck with me for the rest of my life if I keep it a secret.

"Juvia... if you're beginning to realise something I won't judge-"

"No, no. I skipped class today because I haven't been feeling great. Levy and I ordered Chinese last night and I think I got food poisoning." I quickly reply.

"Oh," A form of a blush glowed across his cheeks, clearly embarrassed he thought that our physical night of fun may have triggered something for me, "You feeling alright now? You look paler than usual."

There it was again, hand on shoulder. His thumb made circular patterns on me as he placed his hand down. In my perspective, the little gap between his kissable lips seemed like they were begging for mine on his. More and more memories of one of the best nights of my life came flooding back to me. Alcohol was of course involved, not too much though so we were perfectly aware of our actions. His hand had been crawling across my skin all evening, my eyes kept darting to his lips, every second we would move an inch closer to each other. It seemed too romantic to be a meaningless night of sex.

"Sit down, I'll get you some water." I just wanted him to leave...

He guided me over to the couch, then heading into the kitchen to get me some water. This is just going to make it harder than it already is. He came back into the living room, and handed me the tall glass. Just as he was about to take the seat next to me, I discretely dismissed him,

"Gray, thanks, but I just wanna be alone right now. I have a feeling I'll puke all over you." That was an actual feeling, something was beginning to build up in my stomach again.

"Levy's not here, you'll need someone to hold your hair back." His kindness is making this so frustrating!

My eyes roll as he sat next to me. I was beginning to grow paranoid and my mind kept giving me, hopefully fake, scenarios like whether I actually threw the test in the bin. If I just left it out on the sink then Levy would've seen it, and if Gray goes in there what the fuck is he going to think?

He sat forward in his seat, cupping his hand and would give me the occasional glance. Again, he's contemplating telling me something. I bet it has something to do with that night. We straight avoided each other for the next week, our friendship was beginning to grow back to normal yet naturally it'd still be a little awkward.

"Okay... I think we do need to talk about it."

"What?" I played dumb to it, sipping my water.

"When we had sex."

I was on the edge of my seat, shuffling away from him as soon as those words slipped his mouth. My fist desperate to clench something, my nails nearly pierced holes in my hoodie as I held it tightly. The feeling of my teeth grinding was beginning to make my headache even more painful. This time I take a huge gulp of water, along with some nerves going down with it.

What struck more culpability was the fact that I suggested it in the first place. Neither of us had had sex all summer and we were just sexually frustrated, we had a bad day and all it was only one night of pleasure to cheer the other up. Although... that first kiss made it seem more than that.

Oh shut up, Juvia! You're imagining things...

"Gray, I don't really want to. You're still one of my best friends and it was a one time thing, remember you have Erza-"

"Don't bring Erza into this," his harsh interruption took me aback. My mind had slipped the thought of how aggressive he could be sometimes, he'd never been aggressive to me, however I have witnessed it to others.

I placed my glass on the coffee table, this time actually sitting on the edge of my seat. Whatever he's going to say next there's a high chance it won't be a good thing. His face changed from chilled to stern, I bit my lip with anxiety, I cannot let this accidentally slip out. I'm too clumsy for my own good.

"Look, ever since that night I knew something would be different between us, not the fact that we'd seen each other naked, but something more emotional."

He can't be saying this right now, I didn't want him to say it because I didn't feel as if it's mutual. In some aspects, maybe, but overall definitely not. His knee had angled, desperate for just the slightest touch of me. One part of me was saying there'd be not harm in having another night of physical adventure, and another telling me to back down because I may unintentionally hurt someone, specifically the red haired fury.

"Juvia," he takes my hand into his, more reminders... My clothes discarded, his too. His hand guided me towards his bedroom for our second round, first being on the couch. His addictive lips teasing mine, brushing past, trailing along my skin, marking me purposely. Gasps escaped me with every touch of his, his tongue dampened my skin, the whole experience was astonishing. "Maybe we could-"

"Juvia? Can you let me in I left my keys in the kitchen." 

A sigh of relief escaped me as I heard Levy's voice from the front door. I shook away Gray's hand as I stand up to open the door for her. The short woman, who wore her signature yellow hairband like always, greeted me with a wide smile and shopping bag in hand. She politely said hello to Gray, by his grunt he was irritated by her interruption and was on his way out. Maybe it was for the best that he never got a chance to say anything.

He caught the door before I close it, his expression more blank and unreadable this time, "I gotta go, hope you feel better, Juv." With an empty goodbye, he left the two of us in peace.

"You alright?" She raised an eyebrow.

Nope, and not because of the reason I was about to tell her, "I think the Chinese food gave me food poisoning, but I feel a little better now."

"Oh dear, you sure?" I nod as a reply.

She stares at me, concerned for a moment. I pull a convincing smile to allow her worry to vanish, almost at least.

I follow Levy into the kitchen to help her put everything away. She reaches out of the plastic bag, retrieving two wine bottles and placing them in the fridge, "Thought I'd stock up so there's more alcohol at Natsu's birthday party this weekend. Since your date cancelled you can actually come on time."

I lied about the date cancelling on me, instead I did it to them. Last evening when I found out what my troublesome had lead up to, I didn't think I'd have the energy. Unfortunately I can't completely flake on Natsu's birthday because he's one of my best friends, and Lucy's boyfriend. So she'd have a go at me the most.

"Yeah... I guess."

_ _ _

It had been exactly twenty four hours since I found out the reason my breasts had swollen and the littlest thing would cause me a nasty case of nausea. Again, in front of a mirror, hair in a messy bun, I'm dressed in an over sized t-shirt and some silky shorts, I replayed myself holding the stick in my hands, trembling with constant fear, as my mind wanted to reject the plus sign right in front of me. I peered over at the bin beside the sink, the trash had been emptied. Levy must've just taken it out. Luckily, I hid the test under some tissues so when taking it out she most likely didn't see it.

My fingers began to play with my hair as I think over my options:

Abortion, adoption, and motherhood.

Being a mother at this age wasn't appealing to anyone. Still at University, it thank god was my last year. So, it's October now, we had sex at the very beginning of September, so I'll spend the entire Uni year...

Oh lord.

I have my final exams when I'll be in the heavy stages, exams that'll determine my final grades. A damn "no strings attached" game got in the way of my education.

It's okay, I still have time to think. At the moment, adoption seems the most reasonable option for me. I'll still have to endure in pregnancy, but I won't have to worry about supporting the finances of a child when getting myself a job. I don't really have any connections to easily get myself a job, that's why it's important I work for it.

I should just sleep on it, if I can, and figure out a way to tell Gray.

"Juvia," I heard Levy call me, her footsteps made the floorboards creek.

I lent myself on the doorframe, yet as she comes closer to the bathroom my heart rate drops. Eyes widened at the cheap, white stick with the purple cap on. It was a cheap test, so the plus sign would've faded by now. However I can't escape the interrogation that awaited me.

"Did you take a pregnancy test? Because I obviously didn't." Her voice remained gentle with me.

I thought Gray would be my first person to tell, or no one at all depending on my choice. Perhaps it may be better if I have Levy to talk to and rant about everything, she might have some good advice that websites haven't been giving me.

My nails marked crescent moons in my palms, it's been a recent coping mechanism. Levy's eyes kept darting to me and back to the test, while mine stuck on that hideous stick. I felt the moisture in my eyes building up, it was hard not to let a drop of my dwell run down my cheek. I fold my lips in to keep them from trembling, while adrenaline begins to run through my veins.

"Juv, don't be upset. You can talk to me about anything, you know that, right?" Her hand ran up my shoulder, going to the back of my neck and allowing my head to fall in the crook of her neck.

She lets my tears soak through her shirt, as I cry out my fear of what's going to happen next. This is going to be one hell of a rollercoaster. Emotionally and physically.

"I'm guessing it was positive?"

My head nodded, still staying on her. She rubbed her hands up and down my back, soothing me and gradually ending my tears. I made one last whimper before pulling myself backwards, running my arm through the bottom of my nose.

I don't think it's really hit me that I'm actually pregnant, it just seems like my worst nightmare that I am yet to wake up from.

Pregnant with Gray's baby...

_ _ _ 

AN: this is my first time using Ao3 so I have no idea what I'm doing on this website - if something doesn't seem right just tell me lol


	2. Begging for an inaccurate yes

"Maybe it was a false positive?" 

Levy attempted to put me in the bright side while we both laid on my bed, exasperated, drinking decaf tea. I laid flat, and stared at my warmly lit ceiling, while Levy was sat up. 

"Yeah, because those are common and I've been puking for no reason and my period went on a hiatus." Sarcasm is a form of answer that I rarely used, only when in the cause of threat. 

I hadn't mentioned who the father was, luckily she respected that. I may need help on finding a way to tell him, though. 

"Look, I have another test in my room which is a different brand, if you take it again then you'll know for sure." She places the mug on my bedside table and heads into her room to retrieve the mess. 

She was right, if I take it again I'll know the real answer. Pregnancy tests and their reliability is completely pathetic. Levy comes back shortly after, handing me a clearblue brand box. This one determining how far along I was. 

My foot tapped with anticipation as I awaited my results behind the closed door in the bathroom. Levy joined me as I let the two minutes pass by. I turned my head as soon as it was ready, I couldn't face the truth. I knew the truth. I didn't want to admit it. She noticed I was hesitant to peep at the result, so she went to retrieve it. Levy glanced at the test, her eyes remained on it for five seconds until showcasing it. Guess I do have to see it for myself...

3+ Weeks

Not really that helpful, at least I knew it was definitely positive. Gray and I had sex six weeks ago, and he was the last man I had sex with, so all the evidence was right in front of me yet I still didn't want to believe it. 

"Juv, it's okay, you have options remember?"

It's great that I had options, although deciding them was the worst. If I was a teenager, still in school I'd most likely not go through with it. But I'm nearly twenty one. I have a part time job, a promising education, I think I could pull it off. It's just Gray I'm worried about. 

Levy's hand caressed up and down my left arm, her thumb wiped the new arrival of tears away. I'd never been riddled with so many emotions in my life; I'm confused, angry, some what depressed and perhaps a tiny bit hyped? 

"If you don't mind me asking, do you know who the father is?" 

I nodded, but only keeping my lips shut. I trusted Levy with everything, but I think Gray should be the first to know. Or even the only to. I needed his opinions before I can go and make any rash decisions. I don't think there'd be any harm in telling her the story, though. My back hits the wall, I let my body slide down the tiles, as my body touches the floor I made myself as small as possible, bundling myself up in my own arms. Levy followed and sat crossed legged in front of me, gently patting my knees for reassurance. 

"Okay, I'm not gonna tell you who it is, but..." accepting the truth, I inhaled with depth, "last week of summer, we both had a bad day, and went to each other for comfort. It ended up going too far, and we both agreed it'd be a one night thing, and neither of us would speak of it again. Unless we were desperate for more. We haven't hung out since then, and have only engaged in light conversation."

_ _ _

Again, I laid awake at night. Sleep became impossible, all that hovered around my depressing mind is Gray's reaction. It was hopeless to imagine how he'll exactly feel about this unwanted, and unexpected news. This only seemed to happen to the people who do not want kids, and never to the ones who have been dreaming of having children their whole life. Kids have never been things on my bucket list, but I wouldn't mind having one, in the future. 

I ended up being sat at the kitchen counter, the bare minimum amount of caffeine I was allowed in the mug in front of me, cupped in my hands. Only two hundred milligrams a day? I live off coffee, how the hell am I going to be energised throughout this. 

I'm saying that as if I was planning on keeping it, perhaps my subconscious wants me to go through with it? Or instead of getting an abortion, putting it up for adoption would be a preferable choice for me. 

I'm so lost... 

"Juvia? What are you doing up still, you have a class at 8:30, you should be sleeping." Levy ridiculed me at four in the morning as she was headed to the bathroom, rubbing her eyes and clearly still half asleep. 

"Can't sleep." I bleakly replied as I stirred the teaspoon I left inside the mug around in circular patterns as some sort of soothing therapy. 

She stumbled towards me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and took a sip from my coffee. As she placed it back down on the counter, I was about to receive a lecture, "Juv, I don't think you should go to any of your classes tomorrow. You're clearly exhausted, you need time to take in this information and think for yourself," a pause, her hand glided up my neck, finger traced against my skin as comfort, "When are you planning on telling the father?" 

Tomorrow? Friday? Never!? 

"I'm not sure, some point this week, hopefully." 

"Why hopefully?" 

I think the more clues I give Levy, she'll figure out who he is pretty quickly. She is good with her secrets, yet I always thought if I told someone before Gray it'd be Lucy, seeming as she's my best friend...

Yet she's also Gray's stepsister. They share everything, unless I make Lucy to swear her soul she doesn't say anything. However, in this situation she won't be able to keep it in. God, this is so stressful. 

"I'm... scared. Terrified even. I have no idea how he'll react, I just know he definitely won't be over the moon about this. If I decide to keep it I don't think he'll want to be involved." 

I kept telling myself the worst, just so I wouldn't be super disappointed if it did have to come to that. 

"Okay, I know you're going to refuse to tell me who it is, but by the sound of it I'm assuming he's one of the guys we hang out with."

I didn't even answer. No point. She knew it anyway. 

_ _ _ 

I took Levy's advice, and spent the day off. 

Laid on my side on the couch, bundled in my duvet and indulging a depressing film just to put things into perspective for me. I was just glad I wasn't not sixteen and pregnant, but then if this happened to me a year from now it'd be so much easier. 

Updates on my options: Abortion is at the bottom of my list. So, either way whether I choose motherhood or adoption I'll still go through with the pregnancy. I need opinions, I'm still horribly lost, yet I don't want to tell Gray yet. I can't, I just can't. I think I need to speak to someone who has the whole experience...

"Mum?" 

I couldn't believe I was actually telling her. She was an understandable person, and hopefully will not tell my dad as he'll completely freak out. 

My lips were trembling as I held my phone to my ear, my tears were beginning to build up again. So was that sickly feeling. 

"Hi darling! Everything okay? You don't sound yourself." Being my mother, she'd know instantly just by the sound of my voice is something was the matter. 

My parents lived forty five minutes away, so speaking to her in person about it wouldn't be too much of a pain, I hoped. 

"Uh..." My voice cracked with dread, "No. Can you come to my apartment? Don't bring dad please." 

She paused, all I did was made her fret, "Um, okay sweetie. I'll see you soon." At least she didn't ask further questions. 

Nearly an hour later, a knock was made at my door. I rolled out of the sheets on the couch, and it took me way too long to actually get up off the floor and answer it. I opened the door to be greeted with a wide grin, until she stared into my droopy eyes and the smile merged into a snarl, "Oh darling... you really don't look yourself. Have the flu?" 

I shook my head. I must've looked pretty shitty if she assumed I had the flu. I moved out of the doorway and allowed her to come inside, her first reaction looking around the apartment. She's quite a fusspot sometimes. Her eyes moved towards the couch, glaring at all my blankets and pillows and the open bag of popcorn I had spilling over it. 

"What's wrong then? Surely you should be at a class right now?" 

Again, I couldn't even say it. My mum would freak for sure, but I know that once she's processed it, if I'm lucky she'll talk me through my choices and give advice on all of them. 

I threw myself back on the couch, burying my face in the palms of my hands as I hunched over. I sank in the couch as my mum took the seat next to me, her hand rubbed my back firmly in circular patterns. It's now, or if I decide to keep it my bump will give it away anyway. Also, that nausea. My morning sickness had been very present this morning, and my mum will be able to recognise the symptoms straight away. Just spit it out, Juvia. Once it's out, the weight on my chest will decrease to a level. 

"I'm-" 

Just as I was about to finally say it, come to terms with the fact that my consequences from alcohol and sleeping with someone I wasn't supposed to had put an embryo inside my womb when instead I planned to bleed out my unfertilised eggs. 

I threw up. As a reflex my hand grabbed my half eaten cereal and I threw up what was eaten back into the bowl. My mum gripped a chunk my loose hair and holds it in her firsts against my back. Once my throat had enough, I placed the bowl back on the coffee table and let my back slap the cushion on the couch. 

"Juvia, please don't tell me it is what I think it is." Her tone went bleak, I couldn't tell whether she was just worried or pissed. 

My dead silence and pouty lip gave the answer away. A sighed with disappointment riddled throughout the exhale my mum gave. Well, what I've gained through this confession is that I've lost my mum's respect. 

"Oh, Juvia... how on earth did you get yourself into this mess? You're seriously pregnant?" 

My head nod repeatedly, I hated that word. I hadn't said it out loud, neither did Levy. My mind was still refusing to accept it. At that point I was just hoping I had gotten into some horrible accident and was in a deep coma. 

"It was stupid, I know. And before you accuse me of being reckless and not using protection, I did. No protection is one hundred percent effective okay!" My voice was cracking, I barely paused in between words, this sounds so cliche but it was all happening way too fast to actually acknowledge any of it. 

"Sweetie, I wasn't going to accuse you of anything. But, do you know who the father is? Do they know?" Of course that was one of her first questions. 

"Yes, and no. I can't bring myself to tell him." 

The conversation to when I finally decide to tell him will be the hardest talk I've ever had to have. Like any other person, I thought that the first time I was pregnant would be with a person who wasn't exactly taken, they were committed, ready to settle down. Not your just happened to be drunk best friend who had a shit day, you had a shit day, both of you were horny and you decided to fuck four times that night! 

"Do I know him?" 

My mum had only had the pleasure of meeting Gray once. Last year my parents let me throw a party for Gray's birthday as it was the closest and perfect location, everyone got hammered so his first impression wasn't exactly what I'd want but thank god my mum found him funny and somewhat a "gentleman". My dad, not so much. 

"Yeah... remember I threw a party for a guy at our house last year?" She nodded, "It's him... Gray, the raven haired one." I had to specify seeming as I had another friend who didn't make a good first impression on both of my parents. Let's just say he broke something quite valuable. 

"Ah, yes I remember him. Are you two dating?" 

More disappointment was coming my way. I wasn't in the mood for answering any more questions, I stood up from the couch and grabbed the edge of my new puke bowl and headed to the kitchen to wash my half digested food out. I heard my mum's footsteps just before I turn on the tap to a harsh level and began scrubbing the bowl a little too intensely. 

"Juvie," My mum tried to take the bowl out of my hand to do it herself, for some reason I refused to let go. "Come on-" As her hand tugged harder, I was on the verge of a breakdown. I dropped the bowl into the sink maybe too hard, I stormed off to the other side of the kitchen and place my forehead against the wall. Inhaling deeply, thinking over my options again, Gray's reaction, my life after this moment. 

"Mum..." I paused, taking another breath, "I called you because I don't know what to do. I'm still not sure whether I want to keep it or not. I don't know if I want to get Gray involved or not or whether he wants to be involved." 

She turned the tap off, and paced back over to where I was having my crisis. Her hands placed on my shoulders, thumbs dug into my skin, tenderly massaging my shoulders. 

"Okay, if you end up going through with the pregnancy you need to remember you'll be putting your body through an awful lot. The morning sickness, which you're already experiencing, the mood swings, you'll crave things all the time that you'd never think of eating, and I know how picky you are. Don't forget insomnia, peeing every second of the day, and lastly when you're giving birth. Contractions are horrible. This is the most you can ever put your body through." 

Adoption or motherhood. I'll still go through all of that. Then, if I pick adoption I'll be going through all that pain and never actually get anything out of that. I won't get to hold my newborn baby in my arms after I go through the struggle of childbirth. I'll just see it being carried away by a doctor and that's that. Never to be seen again. It may benefit the happiness of someone else, but if I give birth I always, and still do think I'd get to keep what I just spent hours pushing out of me. 

"Then again, sweetheart. If you end up keeping it, don't forget about the happy memories you could make with that child. Being a mother is overwhelming, but when it comes to it you'll do anything for your kid. Gray seemed like a gentleman, I'm sure he'll get involved. I found him going through our family albums and staring at pictures of you at the party, he wouldn't stop smiling. And if he doesn't want to be involved, then he's an asshole. But I believe he will. First, I think you need to talk to him."


	3. Too close to be nostalgia

Wednesday afternoon. Our usual hangout spot, a bar across campus. I shared no classes with Gray that day, avoiding him was a breeze. Until now. 

Lucy wanted to meet up and discuss Natsu's birthday plans, and the obvious, get a few drinks. None for me thanks. 

The bar had a relaxing vibe, no drunken slobs causing fights and getting the rest of the crowds involved. I spotted the group instantly, Gajeel, a heavily tattooed and pierced man who was Levy's boyfriend, also my cousin, by the dart board. Loke, a ginger haired man trying to dodge the darts Gajeel was poorly throwing at the board. Cana, a brunette, curvy figure, huge brown eyes and also loves the drops of alcohol down her throat completely destroying Laxus at a game of poole. Laxus and I weren't close but he was good friends with Natsu and Gray. Finally, Lucy and Gray sitting at the bar together, both with a beer in hand. The heat in my body had arisen, just seeing him so chilled made me freak out. Soon he'll have the thought that he managed to get one of his best friends pregnant. 

Since my body had completely frozen, Levy had to tug on my hand and drag me towards the two. Before we sat down in the barstools next to them, she whispered to me, "Hey, if the father is here right now don't worry about telling him right this second, but just try not to freak out around him and make it obvious because then you'll give it away." I nod as a reply, and placed myself in the seat next to the blonde step sister of the father of my child. 

"Hey, Juv! You feeling alright now?" Lucy placed her hand on my shoulder. 

It was like I had the devil holding my tongue, the only reaction I had been giving all day was a nod. It was easier to lie then, I guess. 

I avoided eye contact with Gray at all costs. I could tell he was trying to throw me a smile, yet of course I didn't reciprocate it as I was focusing on any other spot in the room, even just a ring of a glass's sweat. 

"You two want anything? Beer? Glass of red?" She asked. 

"No thanks, just going to say hi to Gajeel." Levy's choice of leaving only left me in mild panic. 

"Uh-um... just a water, please." 

Lucy narrowed her eyes in confusion, no matter the day and when offered I wouldn't refuse one drink. Like Cana, I enjoy my alcohol. But because I enjoy it, I have a certain fertilised egg. She accepted it, and ordered the water for me. 

"Agh, shoot. Natsu's calling me. I'll be back in a mo." 

_No! Now it's just Gray and I,_

I desperately wanted to tug on Lucy's shirt and sit her ass back down but she of course had to answer her boyfriend's call. Besides, this little meet up wasn't involving him because it was a horribly attempted surprise party which Natsu had most likely caught onto now. She headed out the back entrance to speak with her maniac out there and not draw attention to the sounds of glass's clinking and poole balls cracking.

"Sorry your date cancelled, they gonna make up for that?" _Ah, word got around I see_.

Thirty seconds in and it was already like someone just grabbed me by the neck, forcing me to hold a decent conversation with the man I don't want to be in the same room with at all. There I was, alone with him. 

My mum's advice was pretty straight forward, she warned me about the rough parts of pregnancy, possible regret of getting an abortion, and the biggest of all watching my baby getting taken away to live with someone else for the next eighteen years of their life. Adding to that, Gray's reaction. She cautioned me about how Gray could make it about himself, saying I ruined _his_ life. How much my next decision will change _his_ life. I was starting to believe that may be the case, yet my mind was erasing the thought of how selfless Gray was. Instinct probably, or I'm most likely just paranoid. 

"Juvia?" 

I shook my head when he said my name, I'd been silent too long. My thoughts kept wandering off, however everything I'd try to think about it'd still be related to this damn embryo I have growing inside of me. 

"Huh? Oh-um, sorry. No, I don't think they will, I just met them at a coffee house, nothing special, I think the most they wanted was a quick shag." Still fibbing that it was actually me that cancelled, I think I'll keep that up. 

His glare intensified, only made me have to gulp my nerves down, "You're being weird again." 

"Huh?" I played dumb to it, for the second time! 

"For fucks sake, Juvia," his breath brushed on my skin, not like last time when it was more passionate, just the feeling that I've been letting him down a lot had to be reminded, "Earlier today in the corridor I was calling you, but you pretended like I wasn't even there and sped up, not even looking at me. Then just when you got here you said hi to Lucy but not me, still not looking at me," Out of my guilt, I stared at the bar, I couldn't look him in the eyes and keep lying to that perfect face, he has done so much for me in the past and that was how I repaid him, "See, you're doing it right now." The annoyance in his voice got to me, out of pure culpability I sucked it up...

Gazing into those dark, cryptic eyes was my biggest weakness. Something about that mesmerising stare made my heart thump way too fast. It was almost like it was convincing me, trying to persuade me to just come out and say it. His fingers started to itch closer to mine, crawl over and elope with mine on the bar, it was all so much, 

"I need some air." 

_Bitch_. I'm such a bitch. I just left him there at the bar, no response, and headed out through the back entrance to inhale some crisp autumn air. Until a certain other alcohol lover threw her arm around my shoulder, the tip of the beer bottle just a centimetre away from my lips. 

"Heya, Juvie!" Cana greeted me just as I stood up from the barstool, "What is this? Water? Girl, come on. A beer won't do you any harm."

Yes it will. There was a secret fourth option, which wasn't necessarily an option. Miscarriage. Painful, horrible, bleeding. So much worse than a period. Even if I didn't want to keep it I still didn't want to tighten the chances of having it bleed out of me. 

"No, I'm not in the mood for alcohol, honestly." I smiled, just so it was more convincing. 

Before Cana was about to try and convince me further, luckily Gray stepped in, "Cana, if she doesn't want to drink she doesn't want to drink." His tone grumpy, I decided to look back into his eyes and that time he was rowning at me, eyebrows furrowed into his nose. 

I took that as my cue to leave. I took Cana's hand and let it drop to her side, my lips pouted as I headed towards the back entrance without taking another glance at Gray. 

I was on the verge of another breakdown. I needed that air, my pace accelerated as I stormed towards the backdoor. My hands slapped it open, then slammed it shut behind me. 

I should've really brought a jacket. The autumn breeze made my hairs stand on end, I think it was managing to freeze the tears that were yet to come. I stepped down from the door, went to lean on the brick wall instead. Lucy caught me in my state, without hesitation she ended the phone call and coming over to me. She didn't ask questions, she just let me bury my head into the crook of her neck, let me soak her t-shirt. She ran her fingers through my hair as I tightened my arms around her waist. A few seconds later a familiar shortie opened the door, who obviously witnessed my miniature meltdown while I was "speaking" to Gray. 

I sensed another pair of arms wrap around me, Levy places the tip of her head against mine as the three of us engage in a sweet, reticent cuddle. 

_ _ _

Lucy ended up crashing with Levy and I for comfort. When I say comfort I mean food and movies. Normally the edition of alcohol would be included but it's a school night, and Levy would've had to discretely advise against it if Lucy got in the mood for a little intoxication. 

I was busy hogging a bag of chocolate and sat in the middle of the couch with my duvet wrapped around my shoulders. Levy had been scrolling Netflix for nearly thirty minutes now looking for a suitable movie, one that didn't involve dramatic love stories and accidental pregnancies. 

"Hey, Juv, where's the cigarettes you usually keep in the draw next to the oven?" Lucy called from the kitchen, which must've been why I heard so many cupboards and draws opening and crashing shut. 

Levy and I eye each other, the next person I was planning on telling I was pregnant was definitely not Lucy. It was horrible to say it, but I'd already told enough people and the next person had to be Gray. 

"I-I um... threw them out." 

"Oh..." I turned my head over my shoulder to see Lucy with puzzled expression as she stood between the doorway. 

This pregnancy situation is going to change me a lot during the next thirty three weeks, and following that possibly a lot longer depending on my decision. Smoking was, I guess you could say, a hobby of mine when I would be hanging out with my friends. I'd sometimes even get stoned, guess that's not gonna happen again for god knows how long. I knew it'd be incredibly tempting not to even get a smidgen of the godawful nicotine, so I threw it out all together. 

"Not drinking, and now not smoking. Are you going on some sort of recovery journey that you didn't even need?" 

I shrugged, I wasn't really in the mood for talking. Or doing anything, in fact. I needed sleep, and a shoulder to cry on. Lucy hadn't questioned as to why I was tearing up at the bar, luckily for me she'd only ask what was wrong when I hinted it was okay to ask. At the moment, definitely not. 

Lucy and Levy fell asleep unusually quickly, Levy's head rested on my shoulder, her dribble spilling on my shirt, and Lucy plopped completely over my lap. Harsh reminding again, out of sexual exhaustion Gray didn't pass out too long after we finished our third round. I never expected it to happen so many times, it became addictive. So, I am on a recovery journey that I do need. Staying away from the thing that drove me insane for one night. 

_ _ _

Once I finally drifted off, a nightmare awaited me like usual. This time, loneliness. 

When I gave Gray the choice of getting involved, he chose not to. He wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. To not be a pain in the ass to Levy, I moved out. When I actually had the baby no one was there to hold my hand and encourage me. Not even my own mother. I went though hours of horrifyingly painful labour, and later on when I went home, I didn't come back to my friends who were excited to see the baby. I was alone with a screaming baby on my first night. I'd have a fatherless baby for the next eighteen years of my life. I'd be scraping off the bare minimum of money, my parents would refuse to talk to me because I was so reckless and got myself into such a mess. Later on in life, Gray would have a family of his own and pretended like the baby he had with me never existed in the first place. 

_ _ _

"Juv!" Levy's voice with alert as my head was over the sink puking out anything my stomach could fish out at six in the morning. 

I felt her take my hair into her hand, while the other circled around my back as my tonsils begin to ache over everything I had thrown up over the past few days. 

Once I was done, I turned around and wipe my mouth with a piece of kitchen towel. A burning sensation in my eyes was building up, I knew I'd break not too long after I woke up from that dream. My bottom lip trembled, eyes about to spill out salty water. 

"I-I had a dream... that I'm just going to be left alone, he wouldn't want anything to do with me..." 

"Hey," Her voice calming as her hands scraped back my hair and run down the sides of my neck, "come on, that's just you being paranoid. I'd never be friends with someone who'd get another one of my friends pregnant and end up just abandoning you. I know that all of our friends would stay by your side to support you every step of the way. If not, Gajeel and I would have them by the neck." 

I giggled at her form of support. I think I was ready to confess, I knew I promised myself I'd only tell her if Gray allowed me to, but I needed pure honesty. I didn't want to have a dishonest opinion on my mind as I tell Gray why I've been so iffy with him lately. Because then I'd just feel humiliated. 

"Wait... Juvia? You're pregnant?" 

Mine and Levy's eyes widen, I sensed my neck crack as I look over to the doorway where Lucy was giving me a pretty clear betrayed expression. Although, nothing came out from her lips as instead I was tightened in Lucy's arms, her hand reached to the back of my head and allowing me to rest in the crook of her neck. Another set of arms hooks around my waist, just like earlier we engaged in another three way cuddle. 

"You're not angry I didn't tell you?" 

"Of course not!" Her head frantically shook, "Why would I make this about myself?" 

These friends I had were too much for my own good. I didn't deserve all this affection and support from them. I just now had to hope it'd be the same for when I tell Gray. 


	4. The voice in my head sits next to me in psychology

**AN:** I was originally going to have this in past tense, but I have another version on wattpad which is present - so instead of confusing myself this will stay in present (please excuse mistakes) 

_ _ _

_"_ _Would it be so bad?"_

_"We're friends aren't we? It's just one night of physical adventure."_

_"Over two months have passed since we've done anything, we don't want to start the year all tense and edging for just one more orgasm."_

_"I mean... you're not exactly dating her, are you?"_

_"If you really want to then you're in for a rough ride, Juvia."_

My voices pitch had been lowering every time I spoke to him. My body inched closer as every tick of a clock passes. Just before I asked him that first question, the two of us were on the couch, his arm allowed my head rest against it. His head pointing down at me, his eyes locked on my pink, round lips. My head tilted up as it was relaxed on his muscly arm, I wanted to taste him. Get a hint of that tongue, after what we had consumed that night the vodka would have overpowered it yet I still needed him. I hadn't even noticed my eyes closing, lips puckering, leaning in to finally be satisfied with our mouthes connected.

I went numb.

The only thing I could sense was when our lips pressed against each others. My nerves had focused on my mouth, every other feeling in my body had died as I was overwhelmed by such a simple kiss. Pulling away seemed impossible to me, a parting in his lips was beginning to open and I needed more. Open mouthed kisses... his tongue wrestling inside my mouth with my own... However, I needed to ask first. I still had my manners.

I break the kiss, my eyes locking onto his and weren't planning on eyeing any other thing in the world. The break in his lips was still there, convincing me to reciprocate, ready to prepare myself for another extravagant kiss.

"Gray, would it be so bad?" My voice low, and whispered out to him, "We're friends aren't we? We'd do anything to satisfy each other," My body jolted as his hand placed on my thigh, sliding up and I knew he was after what was under my black, denim skirt, "Over two months have passed since we've been fucked out of our minds by someone else... neither of us would want to start the year off sexually frustrated, having to count on our hands or toys to trigger another orgasm. We need the touch of someone else... someone who knows what they're doing." By how much his eyes had darkened, I knew he was turned on by every word I was breathing out.

"Erza's gonna be so pissed if she finds out." For some reason he smirked, so far he was agreeing with everything I had offered.

"I mean... you're not exactly dating her, are you? You two have that agreement until the deal finally comes you can do whoever you please, and she never mentioned about it being a close friend?"

His index finger brushing up my arm, which had already crawled out of my sleeve. It runs down my collarbone, up my neck and through my bottom lip, it slides into my hair, gripping me as he prepares himself to completely dominate my mouth.

"If I fuck you tonight, you're in for rough ride, Juvia." His smirk increased, leaning in and ready to start what will be a night of just constant, guilt free, fucking.

"Then fuck me."

_ _ _

"I'm not telling you who the father is, Lucy, I promised myself that he'd be told I was pregnant first before I spilt his name."

The three of us sat in my bed in a circle, cups of coffee in our hands and I was in the middle of another interrogation. Lucy rolled her eyes, she liked consuming other peoples gossip, it's her (not so) guilty pleasure. Additionally, if I do spit it out there's no way she'll keep her gob shut, he's her step brother for god sake.

"Okay, I'll accept that. But I'll wanna know one day," Still wasn't sure about that, "How about you tell us how it happened?"

"If you want to of course." Levy added to Lucy's negotiation.

I guessed there'd be no harm in doing that, however it would only trigger a mental orgasm for me. Back to that night, it was overwhelming. Yet I needed more, one night just wasn't enough for me.

"Fine... so last week of summer, I was bored. I went to a frat party to see if I could get some action, I ended up leaving within thirty minutes because it was only filled with immature unexperienced first years, and _he_ texted me,"

_'Come over, bored af and need to get drunk with someone'_

"All summer I never had the chance to have sex with someone, and turns out neither had he. So... we got a little tipsy, and came up with a one night thing, no strings attached game."

Lucy made a small snigger, "Yeah, gotta pretty big string there, Juvie."

I couldn't help but make a little giggle at that either, "We had _a lot_ of sex that night, we first did it on the couch,"

_His hands eager to shed my clothes, after I gave him the command word without hesitation is tongue was inside my mouth, hand grasping my thigh and wanting me to straddle myself on top of him. He allows me to run my hands from the sides of his neck down to the edge of his muscular shoulders. I arched my back, accenting my cleavage just to get him even more worked up than he already was, almost driving him over the edge. My lips fold in, I had the urge to try and silence myself when he started giving attention to my neck, harshly sinking his teeth into my delicate, porcelain, bruising skin. While his tongue licked and nibbled me, his hands were undoing my skirt, soon after sliding under and reaching what was blocking us from going chaotic. He grabs the sides of my underwear, slipping them down my thighs as I brush my hands under his t-shirt, finally being able to caress his abs. Simply brushing my fingertips against his skin soothed me,_

"I would be lying if I said it wasn't the best sex I ever had,"

_I slip off him, letting my underwear along with my denim skirt fall down my legs before climbing back on top of him, vulnerable to his touch. I let him eye my exposed bottom half, his eyes ogling with complete lust. I throw my undone shirt over the couch, what was left was my leather crop top. Sincerely, I was a little embarrassed. I never thought I'd let one of my best friends see me like that, allow him to run his hand inside my thigh as the other electrifies me when it reaches for the zip of my top. I had to steady myself, grabbing onto his shoulders as my legs were beginning to shake with fear and anticipation. Just before taking off my final piece, he wanted to even things out slightly, so he removed his shirt. My tongue dampens my own lips, one part of me was so confused as to why I never did this sooner with him. He was so attractive... and just his mouth alone on my skin was enough to trigger a moan. His mouth draws back in to my collarbone, kissing, tongue traveling, and my zip was undone. I slap my hand on his shoulder, pushing him back and forcing him to watch me as I pull away the top, making myself fully exposed to him._

_I take the spaghetti straps into my index finger and thumb, casually dragging the leather down my body. My breath hitches as I realise my breasts were open for him to attack, my heart rate was at a fast enough speed for it to become a heart attack. I'd never been so nervous just before sex... which made me think, is this worth it?_

"I never realised how nerve racking it'd be. I mean, it's not everyday you let your best male friend see you naked, and you see them."

_Taking his hand made my heart actually stop for seconds. Placing it on my breast made my stomach knot. He massages me, making me yelp as he pinches my nipple. A moan breaks from my mouth when his cold fingertips start stimulating my clit. His wet tongue encircles my other nipple as his fingers also pleasure me in circular motions on my clit. I couldn't wait any longer, I needed all of him. His throbbing, pulsating cock inside my now drenched core. I swiftly undo his flies, the large tent in his boxers revealed to me. My fingers crawl inside his boxers, and as I struggle them down, I find his tongue back inside my mouth. This time his lips gently kissing me, tongue touching mine and my hands are soon around him. My body shivers when he places his hands on my hips, lifting me up slightly before slipping himself inside me. My heart began to thump way too much, my stomach dropping again. This anxiety was getting to me however I was also extremely excited._

_His jeans and boxers now some place else in the room. As soon as his length was inside me I knew from that point our friendship was effectively ruined. Yet it didn't bother me at that point, rising up and down on him, my arms around his shoulders for support as his tongue teases my lips by licking the outsides and focusing on my skin felt so fucking good. I needed more... so much more... mere seconds into the sex and I was already about to cum. Rapture shot throughout me, I don't think one night will ever be enough between us._

"Juv?"

My neck cracked as I look at the two, I must've been silent for too long as I was reimagining the night of orgasms.

I cleared my throat, also cleaning the entrance for the next round of puke to make its way through, my morning sickness wasn't over yet, "Sorry... it's just that night was something else. I don't think I'll ever get something like that again." A depressing tone came out of my mouth.

I believed that. Gray wasn't classed as single. To these girls, he's dating Erza. I'm surprised out of all the people he could've told the truth to, especially Lucy, he chose me. I guess my subconscious wanted to use the truth to my advantage. I can be such a bitch sometimes. Also, the next nine months weren't exactly going to guarantee me a decent dating life. I was one for casual dating, but once I start showing the instant reaction will be a clear cut "no".

Lucy and Levy rub their hands on my knee for comfort, they've never been in this situation so they can't exactly sympathise.

"Juvia, by that look on your face I know you're thinking that we can never truly sympathise because we're not pregnant, and the father isn't a boyfriend... but you know we'll be here with you, okay? You don't need dates to keep yourself entertained on a Saturday night, we'll take you out! We'll have girls nights whenever you want them." Lucy's support always put me on an emotional rollercoaster, although that wasn't exactly what I worried the most about.

My head shakes, tears in my eyes about to splatter onto my sheets, "That's not what I'm worried about. What scares me the most is if he doesn't want to be involved. He'll hate me, blame me, never want to see me or the baby..."

"Juv, remember what I told you," Levy starts, "I know none of our friends will do that to you, we don't mix with..." she stops herself as she struggles to find the right word for her statement.

"Shit-bags." Lucy ends it nicely.

Levy nods along, she's not as foul mouthed as the two of us, "E-Exactly. You feeling alright to go to class now?"

I nod, getting out of my bed and heading over to my drawer to pick out an outfit, preferably looser just so I don't squeeze half digested food out of my stomach, just nudging the sick out of my system.

First class I have, it's with him.

_ _ _

"Miss Lockser, you're late."

Publicly shamed as I walk into the class. I was only a few minutes behind, also incredibly close to describing with detail what I had just been doing in the bathroom. My eyes desperately try to snipe out a spare seat in the room that I almost forgot to apologise for my late comings. I briefly say sorry, and continue to search.

Like usual, the only seat I'd ever sit in would be the one at the far back, beside Gray. Today, no spare seats. Fate threw me next to him like usual. It's almost like the world wants me to be uncomfortable, tense and frustrated.

As I paced over towards the chair I'd have to sit in for the next fifty minutes, Gray didn't bother to take not of my existence. His chin rested in his hands as he was slouched over in his seat, leaning on the table. His eyes were locked on the professor, most likely not taking in what she was saying as he was prideful that he managed to block me out without sniggering. How mature.

Out of all of my friends, I never expected Gray to get the most petty with me. He was supposed to be the mature one, if anyone was going to shun me out I thought it'd be someone like Natsu. His childish manner was still a circuit wired in his brain.

I drop my bag at my feet, sliding back the chair and taking a seat next to him.

With the decision my mind was easing towards, it resulted in telling him. He's mad at me now, he'll be mad at me then, and when it finally spills from my lips the reaction is undecided at this moment, I already know it won't be good, though.

Friday, I'll do it Friday. Natsu's party. 


	5. Putting out a final cigarette

Gray's POV:

Her, sitting next to me, neither of us muttering a sound, making a gesture. It's silence. Sound silence, physical silence.

However, I guess it's natural for a strong friendship, built on friendly connections only, to become awkward after something intimate happens. Like sex. Four times...

Other than Natsu, I'd say Juvia is my best friend. From the beginning, just by witnessing her demeanour from across the room it was obvious she was a loyal, humorous, light hearted soul. It's been almost seven weeks. Last week we were beginning to get back on track, less stuttering in our sentences and lack of pauses. Something changed. I'm not sure what, maybe it's none of my business and it's a completely unrelated topic, or maybe it is.

Everyone's noticed it. Juvia's tense state of mind. Of course Lucy and I get bombarded with the most questions as we're her closest friends, unfortunately both of us were clueless. Well, I say both, more Lucy. I have a slight idea, but saying something again will just make it worse.

The professor called on Juvia a few times, trying to regain her focus. I'd never seen her so distracted, most of the time she's a kiss ass when it comes to class.

She didn't waste a second as it's over, scramming her belongings in her bag and rushing towards the door. This time I chose not to bother catching up with her, instead I moped down the corridors, searching for someone who is a real friend. Someone who doesn't cringe at the sight of me, need to get away as soon as they see an inch of me.

In a way, I can't blame her. I knew once we had sex our friendship would be effectively ruined. Hell, I didn't expect her to literally stop talking to me. At the bar she was so awkward, being alone with me for mere seconds drove her insane and she needed to escape.

"Hey dude," Pink hair flies into my vision as Natsu interrupts my silent soliloquy, throwing his arm around my shoulder as he startles me slightly, "Why the long face? Juvia bumming you out again?"

Natsu was quite an immature friend. I say quite, I mean my most immature friend. He never took the dorky smirk off his face, even when worst comes to worst. He tends to add gasoline to the fire in situations when he gets the chance.

I nod, clearing my throat before answering, "Yeah, she was late to class again and never said a word to me."

"Shit... let's leave it for now. If she's still all weird after the weekend we'll get together and ask her what's up. You seriously don't know why she's avoiding you? You sure you haven't pissed her off?" What a mature way to put it, not like him.

I shook my head. I doubt I've pissed her off, I believe it's just the aftermath of our night of physical escapades that's screwed her up. Honestly, I thought she'd be over it by now.

_ _ _

'Can't make it to Natsu's party, didn't manage to get out of my shift. I can't miss this pay cheque as my mum really needs the money right now, tell him I'm sorry and I wish him happy birthday.'

Erza messaged me mid way through the day. Our "relationship" was a puzzle. Too complicated to explain. Only one person knows the truth, and they're not even speaking to me. I turned my phone off and decided to reply later, the main thing I felt for the red haired masculine woman was pity. That was pretty much the gist of it. For now, let's just say we're amazing actors.

I found myself skipping my first afternoon class, placing myself on the concrete steps outside the back entrance. First instinct in the outdoors for me was to light up a joint. Unfortunately I didn't have any of the mind numbing blunts so I had to stick with regular cigarettes. Besides I need to remain focus for the classes in the later afternoon.

The strain on my mind was killing me slowly. I sat there with a grumpy pout as I light up the cigarette, the almost winter-like autumn breeze making my hairs stand on end. Out of everyone I've ever met, Juvia I loved the most. She knew me best. I don't have a single secret hidden from her. But here we are, avoiding me like the plague.

"Can I sit?"

I almost didn't believe the voice I just heard. I tilt my head backwards and watch her blue silky locks float across her face. I gazed at her like a puppy; Finally receiving the attention I craved.

"If you want." I mumble, smoke fighting out through the gaps of my lips.

Her lips fold in, she must be drowning in her own nerves. As she takes the spot next to me, I remove my cig with my thumb and index finger, holding it out to her. "No thanks... Actually, can you put that out?" Was the smell bothering her or something? Usually the most I can smell from that chick is perfume of cigarette smoke.

I oblige anyway, hearing a hissing noise as I squish it into the concrete. Her lips kept folding in, and her teeth nibbling at the bottom one. She clearly wanted to talk, yet she couldn't form the right words.

After more than a minute of fidgeting, she exhales into the crisp breeze, her eyebrows slanting with what seems to be distraught.

"Gray," she pauses, still thinking whether what she was about to tell me was the right moment to do so, "I still can't say what I need to, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, and you the most out of everyone," another moment to think, her hand clutches the fabric of her jacket, "After Natsu's party, Levy is going to Gajeel's so I'll need a lift home, and then I'll tell you."

Her skin immensely cold as she places her hand on my cheek, from the direction her lips were headed I assumed I was going to get some sort of mouth affection. Every thought on my mind just vanished in a millisecond and I needed her lips on mine again. Although, I brief swift of disappointment was handed to me as her lips caught my cheek instead.

My hand caught her wrist, the simple kiss planted on my cheek lasted longer than it needed to. She eventually realised that, and removed her burying kiss. Nonetheless, I didn't release my grip. Instead I shifted my hand up onto hers, my fingers eloping in between her fingers and I was desperate for just one more of those sweet and tender kisses she gave. Her eyes lock with mine and all that floats inside them is mixed emotions. I couldn't catch on whether she wanted to kiss me too, or perhaps she was dreading the feel of our mouthes overtaking the others again. Either way, I was about to find out.

I part my lips and quickly lean in, anticipation fills my veins and what I was about to do was morally wrong. I didn't care, we've already had sex and one more kiss won't change that.

"Gray," instead of lips, I got a hand. She protected her mouth by putting her hand over mine, I really need to stop jumping to conclusions, "Not now. I'm sorry."

Just like that, I was left in solitude again. I was always a pro at messing things up.

_ _ _

"She actually spoke to you today?"

Lucy and I were sat inside the University's library, she actually doing some work while I was throwing scrunches of paper at her head as a nice little distraction.

"Yeah, throughout politics she didn't even make a sound but when we were outside she said she needed to talk to me about something, but for some reason now wasn't a good time and she wanted to do it after Natsu's party."

She stops mid sentence of her note taking and glares at me for a moment, almost like she realised something. I raise an eyebrow at her, she closes her notebook and folds her laptop down then scrams them inside her bag. "You okay?" My tone mildly unbothered.

The chair squeaks against the hardwood floor when she stands up, throwing her bag over her shoulder her hands clasp together as she excuses herself, "Sorry, you actually just reminded me I was supposed to be going over to her apartment. I'll call you later, okay?"

I didn't bother replying as she was already out the door before I could mutter a word. Honestly ever since the school year started up again my life had been an enigma so this time I wouldn't bother questioning. I'll get an answer sooner or later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every 5 chapters there will be a chapter in Gray's POV (that way it helps me with structure too) Sorry for not updating soon! I'll try my best to update as much as possible :)


	6. The finale of my insomnia

Frantic banging at my door at half six in the evening, Levy is out, I have no choice but to answer. By the tone in the knocking it was either Lucy or Natsu. Lucy either had some major gossip to spill, or Natsu ran out of beer.

I roll off the couch and pause my sitcom, and ended up opening the door to a frazzled blonde. Her eyes wider than what will soon be my stomach in nine months.

"Um... Juv, can I ask you a question?"

I open the door further, my face showing apprehension. She throws her bag over to the couch and the tension is quite clear once she turns back around. Her arms folded, her tooth visible as it nibbles at her bottom lip before she asks me, "Is Gray the father?"

I felt my stomach drop to the brim, also nausea building up in my throat. Nerves this time, not pregnancy. I did all that in the morning.

"H-How did you find out?" I didn't bother denying, after all she was going to find out someday.

My hands couldn't stay still, running through my hair and gliding over my face. Teeth chattering, constant stress and anxiety was squeezing me by the throat. I couldn't tell whether the look she was giving me was disappointment or sympathy, possibly both. She gently grabs my shoulders, sliding them up and down slightly as a form of relief. "The way he was talking about you kind of gave it away, he said about you wanting to tell him something but you'd prefer to do it after Natsu's party."

God... I'm such an idiot. Why did it never come to mind that he'd have just even a small conversation with her. I chose to say nothing more. Actually, less chose, more like someone had built a brick wall inside my voice box and no sound would emit. My hand slapped to my mouth, the other on my hip and still completely starstruck that she'd managed to figure it out. I was so close to dropping on my knees on the hardwood floor, until her hands gently caressed my porcelain cheeks, gliding down to my back and pulling me into a tight bear lock.

I reach for her shirt and nearly rip it as I tug with more dread, "You can't tell him." My voice makes a little crack as I am finally able to speak.

"I won't, but you have to keep your word about telling him after Natsu's party."

It was remarkably relieving as she didn't accuse me of being a whore, sleeping with a taken man, which I know many other people would do.

_ _ _

I made it clear to Lucy that after I told Gray, I'd then answer her questions. Her main one, what about Erza?

For some reason, Gray, who was her step-brother, still didn't know the real reason Gray and Erza were "involved" with each other. Gray's dad and Lucy's mum are married, and Gray's never has the audacity to keep his mouth zipped. So if he hads told Lucy's mum, Layla, surely Lucy would've been told this too.

The correct reason for why they're "together": money. Gray's mother was an incredibly wealthy businessperson. Erza's mother was one of her clients, and doesn't exactly legally live in the country. There's a a lot more to get into, I'd rather save the energy for when I have to explain it to her.

"Hi sweetie," I missed a call from my mum which luckily she left me a voicemail, "I'm just wondering if you're doing okay, and if you've made a decision yet. Whichever you decide, I'll be here to support you, love you."

I decided I'd call her back later, to be honest I'd rather tell her the "big news" in person. This pregnancy is going to kill me... Yet, they all say it's worth it in the end, I'll be the judge of that.

It took me over three hours to finally fall asleep that night. I'd spend the majority tossing and turning, having to go to the bathroom a lot, a large percentage of that was throwing up. I attempted multiple remedies to try and knock me out; honey in decaf tea, listening to somewhat relaxing music, doing so much research before spraying lavender oil on my pillows which I couldn't use anyway, and I even ended up taking a bath.

My body slapped me with a studded baseball bat and woke me up way too early, once again. Levy emerged from her bedroom a few hours after I plopped my self on the couch, my jaw dropped and my eyes heavier than a 300kg weight. She sighs with a swift of disappointment as she has the misfortune of gazing upon my mess of existence, "Juvia... Really? How long this time?"

"Since four." The tone in my voice dead, almost sounding completely blank.

"Maybe you should start trying aromatherapy? Remember Gajeel had awful insomnia last year and it did him good." She suggests, leaning against the back of the couch.

"I was going to until I read lavender oil can cause a miscarriage." I had no hope now, I'd never been this sleep deprived. This whole "it's worth it" situation was quite debatable at that point in time. I need sleep...

"Oh, Juv," A sympathetic exhale of my name is thrown at me, "Maybe the reason is because you haven't told the father yet, once you get that off your chest you might sleep better?" She stands over me, fingers running through my silky locks, as my only mechanism in this situation is to pout.

"I'm telling him tonight."

Still a blur of how that conversation would conclude. If he takes it so horribly, wanting nothing to do with the baby, just like what happened in my dream; I'll never forgive myself. I led him on, I suggested it, I enjoyed it so much that we ended up doing it many more times.

Levy brushes my bangs to aside, placing her lips on her forehead, giving me an affectionate peck of luck, "I hope it goes well, and if he overreacts just have my number ready and I'll come running."

_ _ _

Throughout the day, every time I crossed paths with Gray my heartbeat went rabid. The fear was drowning me, holding me under an ocean and the surface too far. He'd gift me treasured smiles as we passed each other in the corridors, he desperately wanted a form of contact with me but the damn pregnancy was the one thing my mind revised all day. I froze in class, picturing Gray's face as I spat out this horrific truth. In his perspective his life was still the same. Today, an average university, and the next, nothing changes. I had to bite my tongue and almost rip my skin as my fists clenched, just screaming it out seemed appealing to me.

Perhaps it'll just benefit everyone, including my parents, if I choose to silence myself.

"Flats or heels?"

Unmotivated to pick out my own outfit and dress up for the night, Lucy dragged me over to her bottom floor apartment a few hours pre-party, where it was going to be held. She ordered me to literally bring over my whole wardrobe, or just half and I'd mix and match with her own.

"Slippers." I apathetically reply.

Lucy's place screamed chic, her aesthetic was oddly pleasing. Her bedroom had a brick wall at the back, where the bed was placed. Lights were hung and stuck to the wall like vines, the aura warm, symmetrical plants on the bedside tables, black flowers sewn into the sheets, and the resistance in the sliding doors would be frustrating when in a mood, not reliable for slamming out your anger.

Her eyes roll at my sadistic answer, taking out a pair of mid length black heels and chucking them on the bed. She pinches the black and white flannel shirt I had chosen to bring with me, along with a black, insanely tight, spaghetti strap dress out her wardrobe. "Come on," she holds her hands out to me, I have no other option but to take them and allow her to pull me off the bed, "Natsu won't be happy if you're not happy, try and enjoy yourself as much as you can tonight, okay?" She holds the straps of the dress and pushes it against my body, forcing me to take it with a convincing smile, leaving me in the room to get dressed.

I slip into the dress to realise maybe Lucy purposely gave me her shortest one, if I bend over I'll end up mooning the whole party. I had trouble reaching the zip all the way to the top, Lucy came in at the right time, only to give me a cheeky smirk and no help at all. A frown emerges on my face, displeased with her little antics, one of many which I bet she plans to perform tonight. Instead of letting off my steam, I swish my hair out the way and she finally decides to assist me.

"Hey, Luce."

My voice hitched as I heard that voice. That damn husky voice. I didn't expect to hear it so early in the night. In fact I planned to keep my distance from him the whole party. I hear the joints in my neck twitch as I throw my head over my shoulder, locking eyes with him. He didn't hide how aroused he was when he saw me in the dress as tight as a a bandage, his jaw dropping mainly at my exposed thighs.

Lucy's head jolts as she is still mid process as the fact that Gray is the father of my accidental baby. A little anxious reaction makes her brush her hands down her beige skirt, her mind scatters something to make small talk with him as it's been mere seconds and the tension in the air is strangling all three of us, "Gray, weren't you supposed to be keeping Natsu busy?"

"Uh... Gajeel swapped with me. I've been keeping him company all day and he was beginning to drive me insane." By the way his eyes kept flickering from the two of us and the ground, the regret of walking in here was crystal clear.

"Fair enough," Lucy replies, "Make yourself useful and make sure my cat's ashes are out of Natsu's reach."

He eyes her in an odd way, yet obliges and leaves both of us in the room. The strained aura immediately clearing. She places her hands on her hips, and again, her words petrifying me, "You have to tell him now."

"No!" My whisper harsh, "If I tell him now he'll freak out and just be thinking about it the whole party," I calm myself, inhaling deeply before my voice becomes all squeaky and anxious, "He's taking me home tonight, that's when I'm telling him."

_ _ _

Within minutes after nine, the apartment was trashed, and infused with way too many people at once. Word got around about this party, and of course students could never help themselves. I'd been offered alcohol a total of five times, each time I obviously refused. I'm getting the most peculiar of looks, people are starting to think whether I've been on some sort of rehab. This baby is going to drastically change my life. Refusing alcohol at a party was the equivalent of sinning to me. My flirtatious skills would be on point, I'd constantly dive into any scandal that'd occur throughout the night.

"Hey, Juvia," The infamous pink haired birthday boy throws his arm around my shoulder, beer in hand, "Enjoying yourself? How come your hand is empty? Lemme get you a drink." Count six.

The smell of booze was causing my stomach to twist, I knew I'd break at some point and just puke everything out. "No, I'll get myself one, thanks." I dimly smile, an idea striking my mind.

"Okay, when you've got it we're in the living room and we're gonna play the kings game. Also, thanks for the idea of a surprise birthday party, you hid it very well." He winks in my direction as his arm slips off me and returns to his blonde lover.

Honestly, I'd already forgotten I came up with the idea of the party. It was about a week before I found out I was pregnant. Also, that night I got home I threw up. Period already late, throwing up, two symptoms, and I thought nothing of it. Additionally, my breasts starting swelling. Three symptoms and I still chose to blank it out. By the end of the week, the throwing up was so exasperating that I had no choice but to take the test. By how much escapes my system each day seems way too abnormal, I should probably read up on it.

I swipe a beer bottle from the drinks table, and dash towards the bathroom, grabbing a bottle opener on my way there. Locking the door, I open the bottle and pour its contents down the sink. Unfortunately having the privilege of inhaling the ghastly scent of the alcohol as it falls down the drain. As it's empty, I fill it up with water. The bottle had a green tint and was easily disguised, everyone will be too tipsy to notice how bubbles don't form at the top every time I consume it.

Lucy almost gives me a heart attack as I come out the bathroom with my specially made drink, "Hi, we're gonna play now. You okay?"

I nod, hesitantly, grabbing her hand for comfort. "Don't worry, this is water." I point out just before I take a sip.

She drags me over to where the couches were now angled towards each other, escaping simple eye contact from the opposite person would be quite the challenge. I was planning on Lucy being my security blanket throughout the rest of the night, refusing to let go of her soft skinned hands as we sat down on the smaller couch. Of course, all eyes on me.

"Juvia!" Cana enthusiastically yells my name, "I've barely seen you all week," The rhythm in her voice muddled, by that alcohol had replaced the blood in her veins, "You doing good? Drunk yet?"

I force a giggle out of myself, going along with the conversation before satan starts to play, "Not planning on drinking much tonight," Almost continuing, until the corner of my eye witnesses messy raven hair.

I had to break off the talk with the tipsy brunette and instead remain all my focus on him. The aura in the room only inciting me as I gaze at him... eyeing every one of his features that hits the spot. Just then I recalled why I convinced myself to sleep with him. Naturally, I had to restrain myself from jumping right onto him, he knew that visible pec-lines were irresistible to me, and the top buttons of his shirt were purposely undone.

It took me a moment to regain conscious as Gajeel held out a pot with the sticks in it. I pinch out number three, now I just had to pray that nothing humiliating would include me as this daring game occurred.


	7. Too distracted to tell the truth

"Ha!" Natsu joyfully cheers as he has the stick with the crown on, indicating he is the king of the first round, "Number two, you must never not be drinking alcohol for the rest of the night."

Cana pronounces her half drunk Baileys bottle to the group of nine, proudly stating "I'd never think of it anyway."

I had been blessed as the fact I wasn't two. My hand still hadn't detached from Lucy's, in fact it was only squeezing tighter.

The whole group was in this death match, and I had no doubt that Levy was evaluating the possible father. She'd most likely slimmed down her options, seeming as Natsu and Gajeel are cut off, Gajeel being my cousin and Natsu being my best friend's boyfriend. Besides, Natsu isn't exactly my cup of tea when it comes to these things. Laxus was an incredibly tall and overly muscular man, heavily tattooed in addition. Besides, he's gay. So he'll be cut off too. That leaves two: Gray and Loke. Loke, a ginger haired man who gave off a sleazy womanizer vibe, however he's actually the complete opposite. I would know... however what happened between us was over a year ago, nothing more came of it and we're still pretty good friends. At the moment, Levy may think opposite.

I'm given a number eight, and this round my emotional supporter had the privilege of being the king. Letting go of my hand, instantly ruining my zen, she glances at the number on my stick and since she knows my situation, she won't use her intel on my number to her advantage.

"Number four, eight and six have to take one item of clothing off." I had lost mild respect for her that she actually chose to use my number. Luckily for me, I was wearing a black and white flannel shirt so nothing that interesting would be exposed.

Natsu, being the boldest person in the room, straight up took his shirt off when instead he could've just removed his shoes. He stood up from his singular couch, chucks his shirt over Gray's face and pecks Lucy on the cheek before sinking back into the cushions. The third person happened to be Mirajane, a platinum haired sweetheart, and she decided to be sensible and kick off her heels.

The stench of Lucy's gin and tonic was about to make me chuck, having to go through the build up in my stomach and eventually crawling into my throat I needed to get to a bathroom. I'm handed a stick, not even taking a look at the number as I was so weary, my head getting fuzzy and I couldn't sit up straight. I lean forward, resting my forehead between my index finger and thumb, soaking my skin by the buckets of sweat my forehead was giving off.

"Juv, you okay?" Lucy's voice whispers into my ear as I rocked back and forth, trying to ease off the nausea.

I shake my head, rest my hand against her shoulder in order to stand up and bolt towards the nearest bathroom, "I'll be back in a minute..." I breathe, no eye contact being exchanged with anyone in the group as I almost leave in one piece.

I speedily walk over to the bathroom, just so it seems like I'm only going to the bathroom or to get a refill, not to remove my stomach orally.

I slam the door shut and not even a millisecond after that my head is in the sink as it was right in front of me and I said goodbye to anything I had eaten that day. This baby already seems to hate me, I can't blame it. I'm not exactly loveable. On top of that, I'll make a horrible mother...

My tonsils were so swollen that every time I threw up the pain would worsen, this pregnancy was infinitely exhausting I was beginning to lose hope. Gray wasn't ready to be a father, I'm nowhere near ready to be a mother... maybe keeping it could be the worst decision of my life.

Finally, the nausea feeling was fading, and I had emptied everything out. I grab a tissue from the table beside the sink, wiping the left over half digested food spilling from my lips. Just then, I jump as the door opens, sighing with relief as it's only Lucy.

"Oh god, Juv, are you okay?"

My back slams against the wall, I'd officially given up. The moisture in my eyes increased, head tilted down forcing the tears to fall out and drip down my porcelain skinned face.

"I can't do it anymore," All my voice screamed was despair, "Gray's gonna hate me, I'll make a horrible mother, my dad will never speak to me again, Gray will never speak to me again-"

"Juvia, shut up," A brutal way to try and comfort me. She takes a tissue and begins dabbing it on my skin, wiping away my dismal tears, "Gray would never hate you, you know he adores you and I've never seen him this upset, he hates it that you're avoiding him," My heavy breathing gradually calms, as she runs her slender fingers through wavy locks, sincerely smiling as she whispers what I hope were truths, "I know that he'll be nothing but supportive throughout this, he'll stick by your side at every moment. Hell, he'll probably tell his mum he doesn't want to marry Erza anymore just so she'll be secure in the country."

My ocean eyes widen as she tells me that last part, I was told I was the only one who knew about that, "You know they're not actually dating?"

She nods, "Yeah, my mum told me. Gray doesn't know that I know, so don't bring it up. But I meant everything I said, so try and stop panicking and once you tell him everything will be so much better."

_ _ _

My arms clutched around Lucy's arm as she takes me out of the bathroom and guides me back towards the group. I get a look at the clock on the way there, 23:45. At that moment, it would've been a good excuse to exit the party without being rude. Then again, I'd be taking Gray with me as he's my ride home.

I made a compromise with myself, one more round, maybe two, and then I'll leave. Natsu hands me the pot of sticks as I take a seat, and I grab number seven.

"Oh, this will be interesting," Cana swoons as she gets the King stick, "Number seven," Oh god, "and six play seven minutes in heaven."

My stomach dropped as Gray stands up, making it clear that he was one of the numbers picked out. My teeth nibble my bottom lip as nerves crawl all over me, almost stumbling over as I get up from the couch. Having to be trapped in a tight space, alone with the father of my baby, who doesn't even know it yet, the world obviously wants me to have a break down at this point.

"Have fun you two." My eyes roll at Natsu's comment.

Already trembling, I follow Gray into a tight, secluded room where all the coats were being kept. He opens the door into the the lightless room, allowing me to go in first. I take in a deep breath, in attempt to calm my anxiety. Electricity jolts my entire body as I hear the door close. I sense Gray's hand reaching around the room for a light switch, another miniature jump scare arises as he pulls a small string from the ceiling, his head pointed down at me and instant eye contact is achieved, his stare seductive. "Do you wanna talk or the most common scheme people do when they play this?"

His breath brushes against my skin, truthfully it was awfully difficult for me not to answer the second one.

First nausea, and now I'm horny... great night so far.

"Talk." I sharply answer.

In his breath he lamented the fact I replied the second, he lacks in the ability to fake his emotions. So at least I'll get pure honesty when I tell him the karma of our mistakes.

His rough hand accidentally brushes past mine, fingers almost eloping as it happens. It only drove my pulse to become faster than a tachycardia heart attack. A parting in my lips had opened, my breath only escaping my mouth the same as he, brushing against each others exposed skin as our lips weren't too far away, only indicating a more erotic atmosphere.

"Is now a good time to tell me what you want to?" His voice lowered to a whisper.

I shake my head, "Not yet." He grunts at my reply, he must really be on the edge of his seat about what I've been hiding from him, can't exactly blame him.

"Why isn't Erza here?" He frowns at my choice of question.

"Couldn't get out of her shift. Could we not talk about her, though?"

I reluctantly nod at his request. I don't exactly know Erza like I know Gray, so I can never help but be just a tad curious.

The room only becoming more and more intoxicated, I let a more personal one slip my tongue, which had actually been on my mind for quite some time, "Um..." What I was about to question may give him the wrong idea, however I couldn't help myself, "Have you been... intimate with anyone else since when we were?"

His head shakes, relieving me as it was the answer I hoped for. "Is what you want to tell me good or bad?"

No specific answer for that. His lips were beginning to distract me as they were parted just like mine, my breath hitched as his fingers intertwined with mine. I hadn't exchanged this much physical contact with him in so long and the thought of not was making me lose my mind, my mind kept begging for more of his touch. I needed so much more... one more night couldn't hurt, could it?

"Depends..." My lips already aching for his, leaning in a tiny bit closer and my eyes almost closing.

"On what?" He asks, impatiently.

"Can't ask two in a row," I point out, now the two of us immensely quiet, "How much have you drank tonight?"

Getting even closer, my back hits the wall, making me more vulnerable to his touch. Pure lust was the only emotion I was feeling, maybe reliving the night of seven weeks ago will be going too far, yet possibly one more kiss wouldn't hurt anyone. It's only lips touching... tongues touching... bodies touching...

And before you know it we're having sex...

"Not much at all," His voice even lower and more husky at it speaks to me, "You?"

I shake my head, "Not much either." I never realised that my hands had slid onto his wrists, following that, gliding up his muscular arms, hooking around his broad shoulders, as a reflex his go around my waist. My teeth bite my lip when his hands started to caress my body, admiring my skin tight dress. By how much he kept gazing into my eyes, flickering from my lips and eventually his eyes on my body, it was no question that he wanted to rip my dress off me and get beneath the surface. "Do you... regret it? When we had sex?"

I nearly squeaked when instead of a verbal answer, his icy lips just missed my mouth and landed on my jaw. He left wet kisses down my neck, gently sucking as he gets to the bottom, nibbling at my highly sensitive skin. I missed his lips on my body; rapture replaced my thoughts, movements, I'd only act on instinct. Instinct in this situation would to place my hands on the back of his neck, move my fingers into his hair, lightly tug, singing in my moans. I ache when he detaches his mouth, yet a small smirk pulls at my pink lips when he quickly tugs his teeth on my earlobe, next hearing a whisper, "Does that answer your question?"

My stomach drops as his hand is on my back. I twitch when he reaches for my zip, are we seriously about to have sex again? In a cramped space piled with coats? Impassioned lust has already taken control over me, so in that moment I wouldn't have objected.

My zip had been dragged down to the bottom, I decided to even it out and start to undo the buttons on his shirt, running my finger down his pec-line as I do so, "Can I stay over at yours tonight?" My lips almost brush against his as I lewdly ask.

He nods, exciting me further. Eyes closing, lips opening, I brace myself for the kiss I had been waiting weeks for once again, I clasp my hands around his neck and anticipation for an open mouthed kiss strikes my mind,

"Hey guys! It's been eight minutes now."

Disappointment. Gray paused just before our lips reached out for each other. A vexed exhale released from me and my hands slap to my sides. Gray takes a step back, running his hand through his hair with mild embarrassment. I twist around, pulling my hair over my shoulder and silently asking him to do up my zip. I shudder when his finger tips drag down the back of my shoulder, honestly I was so focused on his lips that I never noticed how cold his hands were.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" He offered, voice's volume staying low as Gajeel may still be outside.

"Sounds good."

He heads out first, I ponder behind him. The back of my hands swiftly brushes against his finger tips, heart beat going wild, I had to contain my skipping as we headed back to the group.

"Juvia doesn't feel good, I'm gonna take her home." A pretty decent excuse.

From what was curious and flirtatious expressions, turned into worriment by Gray's statement. Lucy, without waiting stood up and stepped over Natsu, who for some peculiar reason was now lying on the floor, drool spilling from his mouth.

Lucy's arms flung around me, squeezing and her whisper completely destroyed my elation, only reminding me of the real reason I wanted to leave early, "Good luck, tell me how it goes as soon as you can."

The pregnancy. Confessing to Gray. I have to tell him, either way if I don't tell him and I continue, he'll still have the idea that he's the father. Especially because I've told him I haven't been intimate with anyone else.

Watching Levy's face as I go out the door was almost a little laughable. Tomorrow I might as well go to the police station as I'll be bombarded with so many questions.

_ _ _

It was extremely tempting to put the elevator on hold and throw myself on Gray. I'd noticed another one of his buttons had been undone, and I didn't do that. I won't lie either and say I may have dragged my dress down a little further, revealing more cleavage.

Gray's apartment was on the top floor, and the entire journey up there, including the car ride, was dead silent. I guess the two of us were saving up the energy for what I never knew was going to happen. If I woke up knowing what would happen between Gray and I tonight, I actually have no idea what I'd do.

His apartment was beyond astonishing, well it's a given if your mother is an incredibly successful businessperson. My baby is going to inherit bucket loads, picking Gray, out of all my other friends to sleep with he was a very fine choice now that I thought about it.

The floor to ceiling windows was the cherry on top, whenever I was invited round I'd always pour myself a drink, rest my head against the glass and watch the sun disappear beyond the river that traveled between the city.

Gray initiates more romance into the aura, turning the lights on yet dimming them to the perfect level, the room having a warm yet heated setting to it. He heads over to the kitchen, which was located at the back of the room, marble countertops and white wooden cupboards making the place even more stylish. Opening the fridge, he takes out two beers, offering one to me, which of course I decline.

"Gray, I need to tell you something..." Just get it over with. Once it's out, it's out. The weight off your chest is gone. You can finally breathe knowing there's no longer the pressure of telling him. However he reacts, badly or greatly, you'll be fine... Or at least I hope so.

He sighs, head tilting as he gazes at me. He decides to put his unopened beer back inside his fridge. My legs beginning to shake with the fear of his reaction, I had to grab onto the ledge of the counter. My grip a little too tight, making the whites of my knuckles appear.

"I think I know." His voice deeper than ever, and he was bound to be wrong,

"Do you, though?" I dismissively reply.

His eyes kept flickering to my lips, next second I knew I was lightly pushed against a wall. His breathing deep on my mouth, incredibly close to touching his. His fingers intertwine with mine, his other hand reaching to the side of my face and I quickly gulp down my nerves as he leans in, eyes closing, and he kisses me.

My mind had slipped the thought of how much of a good kisser he was. As his lips deepened on mine, my arms drift up to his shoulders, tightening my grasp around him I open my mouth further and his tongue trails inside to meet mine. His kisses were indescribable, every mouth movement I'd just melt more and more, it hypnotised me and all of a sudden the real thing I came over for vanished from my thoughts. My hands slide down to his chest when his arms go to my back, by how much he was shuffling his hand around I knew he was after my zip once again. My teeth tug at his lip as his cold, rough hands drag down my zip. I feel the tip of his tongue against mine before it leaves a wet trail down my neck, my voice murmurs as his mouth gives full attention to my sensitive spots, sucking carefully which gradually becomes biting, forcing me to moan in complete rapture.

He loops his finger under my dress strap, dragging it down my shoulder along with the other one. Breasts now exposed to him, he retracts his lips and takes a long hard eye at my body, the lust in his eyes showed how irresistible to him. Hands caressing my body, wanting to touch all of me at once. I felt the need to even out the shedding of clothes and started to undo all his buttons. Eventually, I was craving him so much that my lips slammed back onto his as I ripped his shirt off his body. My breasts pushed against his rock hard chest, arm around his shoulders and hand cupping his face as we exchange passionate open mouthed kisses. Our tongues wrestle for a little just as he picked me up by my thighs, the taste of his mouth was my new favourite flavour and I was not planning on detaching my lips from his. I moan in every kiss, every touch of his, it soon becomes an immense groan of pleasure when his hips grind into mine, rubbing was enough to give me an orgasm but I knew I needed all of him.

In the morning, he's going to resent me. I'm not sure exactly what this means, but when he finds out the truth he'll be extremely pissed off. However, in the heat of the moment I didn't care. I was too taken in by his affection and attention. Perhaps the pleasure might scrape some of the guilt off.

His grip tightens on my thighs, possibly leaving marks from his sharp nails. In the next moment I'm dropped in soft sheets. Gray eyes me from on top, longing desire in his ogling. His jaw dropping and it's almost like he couldn't control himself for much longer. Admiring his body, my hands trickle down his abs. I'm startled when the air going through my mouth is replaced by his lips. While sharing heated kisses, I took the opportunity to undo his flies, shuffling down his jeans and showcasing the large tent in his underwear.

I had no idea whether I was prepared for another night. I wasn't in the mood for insane, loveless, fucking. I needed affection. Actual passion. Heated, yet not fuck me till I can't walk sex. His hand reaches over to the side of my breast, tickling me a little as his touch was so delicate. A light kiss is given to me, following that to my chin, collarbone, between my breasts, stomach, and my underwear is slipped off.

Our tongues meet another time when I grab the back of his neck, my other hand tugging down his boxers. I couldn't help myself but eye the monster that was about to slip inside of me.

Am I really going through with this? About to have restless sex with him for god knows how long? He needs to know the truth. I can't do it. I seriously can't do it. Tell him, before it goes way too far.

Deep breathing; him grunting as I whisper out his name in complete pleasure as we're connected in such ardent, amorous sex. I was bound to be leaving scratch marks on his back, my cuts growing bigger into his skin every time he thrusts. He began nibble at my ear when I tighten the lock of my legs around his waist, and a second later I almost screamed his name when he buried himself further inside me. It was exactly how I wanted it to be. No animal like shagging, no sloppy and meaningless kisses. Every movement had a desirous meaning behind it. I still had no clue what all of it meant, whether we just wanted another night together or whether there's more of a story behind this incredible sex.

Biting my lip wasn't enough to contain how much impact my orgasm had on me, he watches me as the pulsating peek reaches me and loses control of his excitement and explodes inside me. My chest heaves, I may have burned a lot of calories from my climax. Gray's mouth slowly kisses me one more time before the two of us instantly pass out in each others arms, my index finger circles his pec when he crashes beside me, I crept into his body and sensed his heartbeat calmed down as the two of us fall in slumber.

When the truth comes out it'll destroy our friendship. Or was this even a friendship anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's gonna be a lottttttt of sex in this story, flashback or not - be prepared


	8. Cliche Confession

Watching Gray sleep so peacefully was killing me. My hand gently slipped through his raven hair envious of how calm he was. I, unfortunately woke up several times in the night. I was so comfortable being held in his arms, however my subconscious wanted to remind me how much of a bitch I was being. Letting him show his affection, whether it was lust or love didn't bother me and I went through with it. Knowing that what I was about to tell him will change everything in his life. He'll be a father, whether he's involved or not. He'll always be a father, he'll have a child and he'll be angry with me.

To let off some steam, I slip out of the covers and decided to make coffee for the two of us. Decaf for me. Without waking him, I lightly kiss his head before grabbing my underwear from the floor and heading over to his drawer to find a t-shirt.

Closing the bedroom door must've awoken him. I'm not as quiet as I think. As I set a couple of mugs down on the counter more guilt tackles me down as his smile is sincere. His arm slips around my waist and I have to, again, place my hand on his mouth before he makes the mistake of kissing me again. His eyebrows furrow into his nose, frustrated that I blocked his kiss.

"Gray," I couldn't even look at him, "I need to talk to you." My voice mellowed.

"Do you regret last night?" He asked when my hand slipped down to his chest.

I nod, folding my lips in and I felt I was about to let tears fall from my ocean eyes, "I'm sorry, I do. I really loved last night so much, it meant a lot to me, but It's not what I came over for."

He broke his glare, dropping his arm to his side and that was it. I'd shattered his trust in me. The heartbreak in his eyes was unbearable to witness. "Then what?"

I take his hand into mine, and pull him over to the couch, seeming as he'll definitely need to sit down for this ridiculous bombshell. I pull him down on the couch with me, breaking the minimal contact between us and dropping his hand. I had a block in my throat, not allowing me to say what I needed to say. It took me a moment to gather myself, and I gathered up the courage, and I could finally stop thinking about it,

"I'm pregnant."

I think I felt my whole body shut down after I spat it out. My breathing accelerated as Gray just blankly stared at me. It was basically like his ears chose to block those words out. I raise an eyebrow at him, at that moment it was time for reassurance. I place my hand on his shoulder, gently rubbing for comfort, "Y-You're... p-pregnant?" The nerves clear in his stutter.

I nod, my lips folding in as I was most likely the most nervous, "Look, Gray, I know this is definitely what you didn't expect. I was going to tell you last night and then you started kissing me... and I just melted and I didn't want to stop it because I was enjoying it so much-"

He grabs me by the wrist and shakes my hand off him, startling me as he stands up. "So, you came here, telling yourself you were gonna tell me this last night, and then you have sex with me, knowing that you're pregnant, yet still decided to wait on it." I wasn't sure whether he was actually pissed over the pregnancy more than the fact I decided to sleep with him last night.

"Yes, I know it was a horribly bitchy thing to do, but Gray can we please just focus on the fact I'm pregnant with your baby?" Saying that sentence out loud just freaked me out even more.

He rustles his hand through his hair, eyes slightly narrowing, "Fine, whatever." He really wasn't helping the situation with his attitude.

"Okay," I take a deep breath, standing up and almost grabbing his hand until I recall he probably doesn't want my touch, "If you don't feel comfortable being involved, since I've just randomly sprung this upon you, I'll totally understand. If you do, it'll really mean a lot to me."

His frown merged into a more sympathetic look, it'll honestly break me if he doesn't want to help me along the way. I probably won't end up keeping it if he says no.

"Juv, I don't think it's fair you're giving me a choice. You have to carry a baby for nine months, give birth to it, and if I ditch you in the end I'll be an asshole, and I don't want to do that to you. But..." He contemplates asking me something for a brief moment, "You're actually going to keep it?"

Before that last part, what he said was incredibly relieving. When he questioned my choices, that ruined it. He seriously thinks I can't do this. Well, I don't know if I can. Though I don't want to be told that!

"Yeah, I think I can do this." We were talking rationally, so far. I knew once his voices pitch would start increasing that was when he'd become unreasonable.

He initiates contact, taking my hand into his, "Juvia, I think it's amazing that you've already got such a busy life and you want to go through with this. But what if once it's here you can't handle it?" Great. Here comes the doubt, "What if it ends up being twins, or triplets!?" And there came the squeaking.

My eyes roll, "Gray, twins nor triplets run in either of our families. Chances are quite slim. Do you actually think I can't do it?" I drop his hand.

His eyes slant to the side, clear doubt in them. He cautiously bites his lip before answering, "Well..."

"So you don't. Wow," I think the hormones just kicked in, "Would it make you feel better if I don't keep it then, is that what you want?"

My arms fold in utter frustration, I stormed off over to the other side of the room, towards his bedroom. He had no choice but to follow me in fear of me slamming a door in his face.

"Juvia, no! Whatever you choose I'll be totally supportive and you know that." I sensed the tips of his fingers gently brushing against my arm, trying to reach for it and grab me in attempt to stop me in my tracks.

"Yeah! But your favourite option is not keeping it!" Now I was the one with the squeaky voice.

In truth, I wasn't really sure of everything I was spitting out. It seemed like all I was after was a fight. I was so exhausted, emotional, and now that the mess of telling him was in mid progress I was double what I already was.

"Juvia, shut up!" I jumped at his harsh tone, eyes widened and jaw dropped, "You know I don't think that, I'm studying to become a paediatric therapist for fucks sake. I've always wanted a kid, I just never expected it to happen with you and in my third year of Uni,"

I couldn't deny that was the truth. Gray was a big softie when it came to kids, his cousin has a baby and whenever he sees her he'll completely blank out his cousin and shower the baby with affection.

I couldn't really think of anything to say after that. I wasn't sure whether to take the last part of what he stated as a compliment or insult. "Never expected it to happen with you". That stumped me just a little.

Gray had clearly ran out of words too, as his hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled my body into his. His arms formed a tight lock around my body as I buried my head into his chest. The adrenaline running through my veins was slowly vanishing, and I reciprocate the cuddle, gripping his shirt as I felt a river of tears gradually building up. I received a reassuring, relaxing kiss on the tip of my head and sensed his hand running down my hair, "We'll get through this, okay? We don't have to decide everything now, let's just try and let it sink in today... mainly for me," He awkwardly giggled, "Juvia, you're an incredibly strong person, and you're about to put your body through an awful lot and I admire that. So if you ever need anything you know I'll do it."

My arms clenched harder around him, I'd been experiencing an emotional rollercoaster and that was just the thing I needed to hear. Especially from the guy that I needed by my side throughout the entire journey. "Thank you."

"So, can we talk through decisions tomorrow?" His arms loosen around me, hands slid up to my shoulders as we make eye contact.

I nod, "Want to be alone today?"

He rubs his neck in partial guilt, eyes slanted to the side, "Yeah..." His voice mellowed.

"I can understand that, but please can we talk tomorrow?" My hands dropped to my sides.

"Yeah," He paused for a brief moment, "I'll drive you home."

_ _ _

Leaving him alone for the day to let the news sink in was most likely a good idea. He had a lot to think about, a main thing being his mother, the family business, and Erza. The tension, and building up of stress was already showing in his face. Unlike the car ride to his last night, his eyes kept on the road. No glancing at me. I wasn't going to bother asking what he thought last night meant to him. Love or lust? It'll just embarrass him if I bring it up.

He pulls up to the entrance of my building, hands dropped from the wheel onto his knees as he stares down in an unreadable expression.

He clears his throat, still avoiding eye contact, "Juv, does anyone else know?"

A small fib would be the best option, he'll start a fight, just more yelling would give me a migraine, "Only my mum," That sentence caused him to actually lock eyes with me, only a frustrated glare was what I received, "don't worry though, she's really supportive about it. She likes you, so she's not gonna have a go at you when she sees you. I told her because I had no idea what to do and I just needed some advice from someone with experience."

An aggravated sigh breathes out from him, eyes narrowing a little once he turns his head away again, "That's fine, I guess... I'll see you tomorrow."

I say no more, simply opening the door and exiting the car, not looking back.

I unlocked my apartment to not be greeted with a questioning Levy, only Lucy on my couch with a sitcom in the background as she scrolled through instagram, so her usual. She leaps up as soon as I close the door, throwing her phone behind her and a ruffled aspect darkens her face. "Juvia! Where've you been!?"

Quick, think of a good excuse... "I went for a long walk, just to let off some steam." I bleakly replied.

"No you didn't, Levy came back here at one and she said you weren't here, or this morning. I highly doubt you went on a seven hour walk in your current state,"

Great excuse, dumbass.

I take a large gulp, Lucy is one of the clever people I know and she's skilled when it comes to solving situations that don't exactly add up. Her main evidence, when Gray took me home last night.

"You stayed over at Gray's, didn't you?" I stayed mute, not exactly helping my case, "Okay, Juvia. I'm not gonna judge, but did you sleep with him instead of tell him?"

I slant my head away, sighing as that assumption was only have true, "Not exactly... he knows. But," it was a little embarrassing, "we did have sex..."

A little puzzled at my statement, her eyes widen, taken aback that I actually had the guts to sleep with him and tell him that I was pregnant with his baby from the last time we screwed. I knew she was already ahead of herself and rehearsing lines for a lecture she had been building up over these past few days, and she knew that wasn't what I needed at that moment. Instead, she pulled me into her body, letting me rest my head into the crook of her neck, as her hand fell down the locks of my hair. That was exactly what I needed.

"Did everything go okay?"

I deeply inhaled, to be honest it went down emotionally chaotic, "It wasn't horrible, nor great. He wants to be alone today, we're gonna talk tomorrow."

_ _ _

I craved some solitude too, Lucy went home after we talked and Levy was presumably still with Gajeel. I laid down in the centre of my bed, sinking into the mattress with the sheets wrapped around me like a restraint, in the early afternoon. I contemplated the choice of calling my mum and telling her that I confessed the truth to Gray.

Over time of just blankly staring at my ceiling, I picked up my phone and decided to call. I ended up getting her voicemail,

"Hi mum... I told Gray today," I paused, "he wasn't great, but he wasn't horrible. It went better than I expected. He wanted to be left alone today to think about it and we're going to talk tomorrow. Call me back soon, okay?"

During the night, I'll just have to pray he's not packing his bags and moving to Antarctica.


	9. Falling behind while watching those ahead

"Hi sweetie, I'm glad you're okay and Gray was okay. You feel better now that it's off your chest?" 

Waking up after a small nap, my mother rang me back. Still half asleep, I had a talk with her about the upcoming stages of my life with this pregnancy. To be frank, it was already terrifying me.

"A little, Gray and I still have a lot to discuss, though." My voice a little croaky.

I catch a sigh from the other side, "Yes. Are you going to stay with Levy once it's here? Or are you going to see if you can get your own place? Oh! A good idea would be to move in with Gray." 

My eyes widened at her bold statement, "Mum!" I scold her, "I've barely thought about that, I will probably move out but I don't know if I'll live with Gray. He might not want me bombarding his space." I replied with a dismal tone. 

Gray may have a three bedroom apartment, but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll allow me to live with him. I wasn't even sure if I _wanted_ to. I've witnessed, and experienced Gray in many different ways, being his roommate never occurred to me. 

I hear a door swiftly open and close, Levy must've returned. That means interrogation. 

"Look, mum, I'll talk to you later. Levy's back." I hung up and chucked my phone in the centre of my bed, standing up with brief confidence as I confront my detective. 

"I know what you're about to say," I cut off Levy as she takes a deep breath, preparing herself for the questions she had thought of over the night. Not even allowing her to fit a words in edgeways, I explain myself, "No, Gray is not the father." Her eyebrow raises, now puzzled as to what she saw the previous night, "He knows I'm pregnant, he was just driving me to the father's house." 

The fib that had just twisted my tongue, I had to beg she'd buy it. Her head titled, letting a moment to absorb the mislead, behind my back I had my fingers crossed. If I can narrow it down to only my mum, and Lucy knowing, it may make things just a tad easier. For now at least. I could be extremely wrong. 

"I'm still pretty convinced he is, Juvia. After what I saw at the party, you were so stiff around him. Then the two of you disappeared to most likely his place..." she pauses, eyeing me up and down for a brief moment, "and you're in the same clothes as yesterday, with the addition of a hoodie. Which I swear is his."

Probably would've been smarter to change. 

"Did you and Gray seriously have a one off thing? Or is it more than that?" 

I was already sick to my stomach with all these questions, I had Lucy's earlier, my mum kept texting and calling and a new addition was the father himself. 

"Levy," I start, taking a deep breath, "I don't want all the questions right now. Yeah... Gray and I had a one off thing. It's complicated to explain,"

Again, recalling the night. That night we shared hadn't left my mind since. I thought about it everyday. Our rough and messy sex gradually became passionate, love making? My relationship with Gray at this point is the most confusing yet exciting thing I've ever experienced. Our sex was fantastic, doing it like pros the first time round together. I _needed_ to know what last night meant to him. Lust or love? That question hadn't escaped my mind, not even when I took a nap. Gray may just love me as his close friend, and want my body to replace the lack of pleasure he had been receiving, or perhaps his feelings expand further. 

"For now can you please be a little considerate and not mention _anything_ to Gajeel? Or anyone for that matter. If Gajeel finds out he'll beat Gray up. Remember? He made it clear when he met Gray that if he laid his hands on me, he'd regret it till the day he died." 

A glow of sympathy emits on her round face, her teeth nibbling at her lip, a nervous reaction of hers.

"Fine," Her reply came off more frustrated than considerate. "I wasn't going to say anything to him anyway, I care about you, Juv." 

Her hand brushes past my shoulder as she heads in the direction of her room. I throw my head over my shoulder, only to feel guilt as I kept the reasons of my now, most likely, ended sexual adventure to myself. 

_ _ _

Three knocks at his door. No answer. I'd been waiting at Gray's apartment for a solid four minutes. He's either still asleep at 10:45am, or did move to Antarctica while we were apart for the night. I came to the conclusion to call him, maybe that'll be his alarm. About three rings, he answers, voice croaky. I obviously woke him. 

"Hello?" I caught his voice break out of exhaustion. 

"Gray, I'm at your door." 

A pause, presumably he checked the time, "Shit..." he mumbled, "Sorry, I overslept." 

I wait by his door, there for another few minutes. I figured he was putting some clothes on, seeming as he likes to sleep in his birthday suit.

The door swiftly opened, putting me on edge more, my eyes move upwards to lock with his. The dark circles under his eyes couldn't have been more noticeable. He must've fallen out of his bed at least twice. It's all my fault the reason of his tiredness, he seemed exhausted. No doubt that he'd been up all night with the memory of my confession. 

His hand ruffles through his messier than usual hair, hand opening the door further and allowing me inside. I take a seat on the couch as he heads over to the kitchen, most likely making himself coffee. "You want anything?" He offers.

"Just water." My voice became bleak. 

Within a minute he comes back over with his black coffee and my water. He sits further away from me than usual. This can't get more painfully awkward. No effort in eye contact at all. He just sat there with a grumpy pout, it was almost irritating. 

"How'd you sleep?" He finally spoke. 

I let my jacket fall down my shoulders as I take it off to try and earn some comfort on his couch. "Not great," I confessed, "But better than usual. What about you?" 

His eyes narrow as he leant forward in his seat, sipping his coffee, "Shit. I didn't fall asleep until five." Aggression in his voice, no hiding that he blamed me for it. 

As much as he was playing the bigger victim here, acting as if he's the one who has the job of carrying a baby for nine months, I need to remember I sprung this upon him, and he'll be a father when he didn't plan to be. Yet, just as much as I'll be a mother when I didn't plan to be. God this is so frustrating! 

"You didn't call and tell anyone, did you?" My trust issues manifesting lately. 

His eyelids shot open as I asked that, still stunned that he's one of my best friends and I had no trust in him, "No! I had no reason to yesterday. Natsu came over, but I didn't say anything. I stayed here all day anyway." 

I gently nod. Again, just sitting there. It was mainly on his terms that I was there in the morning instead of continuing our conversation from yesterday. If we did, I predict it would've been less uncomfortable. 

After a long, unbearable pause, Gray decides to speak again. His query more straining than the last, "Have you... actually made a final decision yet?

A knot in my stomach formed. Not a pleasure kind. I knew already he was going to resent my choice. I shuffle further up my seat, taking his hand for comfort as his gaze was dismal, and take a deep breath, "Look, Gray before I tell you, I want to know what you think." I just had to know. Whether it was the same as my decision or not. 

He broke eyes from me, mouth gaping slightly. His index finger rubs against his upper lip before he spits out what harsh and hurtful statement I was _not_ expecting, "I think you should put it up for adoption." 

No hesitation when my hand drops his. The cracking in my heart was easily discerned by the expression that emerged on my face.

My breath immediately started to accelerate. I shot up from my place on the couch, grabbing my jacket by the collar and started to head towards the door. "Juvia," He sadistically called my name, only raging me further. 

"Don't _Juvia_ me!" I screeched, forcing his body to shudder with slight fear, "Gray, do you have any idea how hard that will be on me? I'll have to carry a baby for nine months, and I won't even get to keep it! I'd watch it get taken away and I'll never see it again!" A flood of tears was already swarming. I don't think Gray had ever said something so hurtful to me. 

"You asked-" 

"Well it was a stupid question! I thought it wouldn't change my decision but now, maybe I should just get a fucking abortion! Would that make you feel better!?" This situation was almost similar to the one yesterday morning, just more aggressive and more teardrops. 

His hand reached out to my wrist which I dodged as I stepped closer towards my escape, "Juvia, please-"

My hands slapped to his chest, shoving him away from me so violently, "No, Gray! Next time you wanna talk you'll probably be driving me to the abortion clinic!" I screamed in his face, slamming the door and on the edge of a full break down.

Without looking back, I left the building. I dashed out of there as quickly as I could, I didn't want to see his face. I was distraught, hurt, and now nauseous. 

_ _ _

I left my key inside the apartment. Luckily, Levy opened the door to catch me in such a sickly sate. My eyes swollen as I was most likely allergic to my own tears, no hiding what I had just been doing the whole journey home. 

"Oh, Juvia, what happened?" 

My head shook, I didn't need any more questions. I barged my way through the apartment and collapsed face first into the couch. Levy's warm, petite hands caressed my back for comfort and support. I just needed to scream into a pillow and throw up anything I had eaten the entire week.

Back at phase one, stuck once more. 


	10. A happiness no one ever dreams of

Gray's POV:

Why did I say that? I didn't mean it! It just came out. Truth is, I'm still taking it in. I have no idea what I want. But I know I don't want to hurt Juvia. She means too much to me. My biggest concern wasn't whether raising a baby would be good for the two of us. It was my mum's reaction, and Erza's. I'd promised my mum I'd marry Erza for the sake of the business and getting her mother out of dept, and I go and knock up Juvia. I assumed I'd stay screwing around. Never settle down and just fuck about for the rest of my life. Besides, Erza's more into girls, and her family is extremely homophobic. From where she's from being even a little gay is extremely frowned upon. Marrying me was the perfect cover up, I was totally fine with it. My dad, however, was not. He hated it. He wanted me to find a person I love, buy a house not too far away from his, grandkids, and I'm his only child. So, he may be getting a grandkid just not the others.

I love Juvia, and my intention is anything but to hurt her. She's one of my best friends, we just made a mistake. Five times. Romantically, I'm a little confused. Overall, I don't care about that as much anymore. I care about this massive change to my life. First of all, I needed to do what Juvia did. Get advice from someone with experience. Who is _not_ my selfish, demanding mother who put her career before family. No wonder my parents didn't last.

I didn't have any classes on Monday, so a good plan was to go to my dad's that Sunday morning and stay overnight.

_ _ _

A three hour journey later, I'm back in my home town. It's unlike me to visit my dad when the term is still on. Yet this was sort of urgent. I took the train instead of drove, I figured I would've got sidetracked with the memory of Juvia being pregnant with my baby and accidentally crashed into the side of the road. I didn't bother calling my dad. Just turning up on his door step would hopefully brighten his day.

His warm, welcoming smile lights up his face as he opens the door to the opposite, gloomy son of his. We may lookalike, but the personalities couldn't clash more. "Well, isn't this a nice surprise. My son wants to see me for once. Or did you come to raid my wine cellar?"

My eyes roll at his joyfully narky comment. He opens the door further for me, I drop my bag and spot Lucy's mum over on the couch catching up on what I assumed was a sitcom aimed at mothers above the age of forty five. "Hi, Gray. Nice to see you." Her chipper voice greeted me.

"Hey, Layla." I dimly replied.

My dad throws his arm around my shoulder, guiding me towards the kitchen. By that gesture he was aware something was up.

I stop at the counter, while he goes around the other side. On edge, I blankly stared at my fingers tapping on the marble. I knew what I wanted to say, I just didn't know how to form the sentence. Maybe straight up telling him I knocked up a chick he'd met once or twice, that'll go great.

Another thing blocking my throat, the woman not sitting too far away. Layla's famous for eavesdropping on conversations, Lucy does the same, so I won't be surprised if they knew the truth about Erza.

"Well, you're clearly not here just to see your old man, what's on your mind?"

It was depressing that that was the truth. As much as I love my dad, I didn't express it that much.

I stutter, Layla's most likely peeping her head over the couch to try and catch the "big news" clearer.

"I-I'd feel more comfortable if Layla wasn't so close."

His eyes roll, and he heads upstairs which I tail behind him. His arms fold as his shoulder hits a wall, and that was when I felt my stomach drop.

My hand rubs passed my mouth, saying it out loud was way harder than I expected. Now I know how Juvia feels. While I fight the words out, It made me realise why it took Juvia so long to tell me. After all, she carries the baby. It's gonna start showing. She'll get a lot of judgement around campus and have to take a lot of shit, and to people I'll just be walking around like it's another day.

"You remember my friend Juvia? The one with the blue hair."

His head nods as he thinks deeper into his memories, "She's the one who threw you the birthday party at her house, isn't she?"

"Yeah..." One nervous gulp, and it'll come out, "Well, um... S-She's pregnant."

His jaw hung, his arms drop to his sides and he bleakly glared at me for a few moments. His reaction unreadable. I was standing there baffled and looking like an idiot.

"I-I didn't even know there was anything between you." He's smiling!? Out of all the reckless things I've committed, this being the most, he's actually smiling at my recklessness.

"There wasn't. Well, _isn't,_ " I changed my phrase since I doubt we were ever going to talk about what that second night meant to the two of us, "It happened one night. This is just the aftermath."

"How are you feeling about it? What are you gonna do? Is she keeping it?" I was flooded with a heard of questions from my dad, his tone excited and enthusiastic as his hand slapped to my shoulder in utter joy.

And then, another wash of guilt drowned me, "I'm still taking it in. After talking about decisions, I'm not sure what she's gonna do now." He tilts his head, wanting me to elaborate, "I said I wanted to put it up for adoption."

His face cringes, no surprise that he despised my answer to her, "Oh Jesus, Gray," He starts on me, "How did she take that? Do you actually wanna put it up for adoption?"

"No!" I snapped. I spat out my take on the baby like I was drunk.

I turn away from my dad, embarrassed to confess the truth of how much of a douche I am, "It just came out. I didn't mean it. After I said that she screamed at me, saying she might as well just get an abortion." If anything, I knew I didn't want that, "I probably said that because of how mum will react."

"Gray," He grabs my shoulder, sighing disappointingly. There it is, the actual reaction I expected, "Don't let how your mother will handle this make you choose decisions you'll end up regretting. Besides, you're not sixteen anymore. If this happened while you were still under my roof, and hers, it would be a lot different. But you're not, you have your own apartment, big enough to handle a baby," His eyes widen. If it wasn't for my mum's business I'd probably be living on edge with five other roommates, "Juvia's a lovely girl. Even though I've only met her a few times I could see a spark in her. She'll make a great mother, and I know you'll make a great father."

I rolled my eyes, I wasn't so sure of that. However, his advice tugged a smile on my face. I came here expecting some form of discipline as a side dish from my dad's advice. I was so wrong. He could've at least given me a light slap round the head.

"Look, tonight don't think about your mum, or that Erza you've agreed into. Just think about what you really want, and what'll make both you and Juvia happy."

That seems fair enough... I guess.

_ _ _

Struggling to fall asleep, I lay in my bed, eyes wide open and imagining my life in complete opposite scenarios.

Going down the path of getting rid of it, adoption wise, Juvia would never speak to me again. I'd just throw her into a bottomless pit of depression. She'd spend all of her pregnancy in solitude, refusing to let me see her. I don't think I'd ever live with myself if I knew I did that to her.

Once it's over, the shutting out with continue. Juvia and I will have to live our lives like it never happened, simply moving on. Depending on how the adoption would go, our baby would either end up with a loving family, or foster care. That's how Natsu spent the majority of his life. I hadn't heard much about it since it's an insanely sensitive topic for him, I was just aware of the fact he hated his life up until he was finally adopted.

Keeping the baby... Now that was where I was stuck. I couldn't think of a situation with that, good or bad. It could go one way or the other; being the best choice I've ever made, or Juvia and I would fall apart even more. It could finish in being a brutal fight for custody. Then again, we have the strongest bond. The chances of it actually turning into such a mess are extremely slim. I'd seen pictures of my parents when I was born, just before it all went to shit, my dad seemed so happy. So did my mum. Yet, growing up through the divorce I always felt it was me who forced them apart. They were perfect before I came along.

Again, I'm not married to Juvia. She's just one of my best friends.

This couldn't be more confusing. I'm still wandering around a maze.

_ _ _

The following morning, I had the surprising pleasure of being greeted by my cousin, along with her two year old, Meredy. My dad gives me an angelic smile as Ultear was sitting in between him and Layla, Meredy being on the floor and already attacking my feet. She tends to be a little too playful sometimes. No debating that she isn't adorable.

"Hey, Ultear. What're you doing here?" Still half asleep, my greeting more of a groan.

"Your dad invited me for breakfast." She replies.

My dad abruptly stands up, zooming towards me and his hand slapping me on the shoulder, implying to stand aside from the table, out of earshot.

"I called her over to talk about the baby," He whispered.

My eyes widen with frustration and my jaw clenches. He can never keep his damn mouth shut. I bet his mouth slipped while talking to Layla too. "Come on, she's a young mother. She has experience. She'll talk with you from the mother's perspective. There you can see what Juvia will go through. Please, just talk to her."

"Fine."

_ _ _

Ultear and I were sitting on the swings opposite the slide Meredy insisted on going down for about twenty times until she got bored. She wasn't bored yet. Still going down the same slide and giggling chaotically each time. Children are so easily pleased. 

"I can't believe you actually got Juvia pregnant." Ultear took my "big news" as more of a joke. 

After hearing it from my dad on the phone, apparently she wheezed and had to lie down for a moment to let the laughter pass. 

"Please, shut up," I spat, "I don't even know why my dad had to tell you, I can deal with this on my own." 

Her head starts to shake in disagreement, also smiling as I was always her naive baby cousin, even though I'm only two years younger than her, "Your dad told me because I had Meredy the same age Juvia is now. Juvia's a great girl, and if you two end up not talking, or she decides to raise the baby on her own because you couldn't be a grown up about it, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Trust me, being ditched is the most horrible thing I've ever gone through. I gave birth alone,"

"Hey!" I cut her off, "I was there." I reminded her. 

Her eyes roll with attitude, "Having my cousins and my mum in the delivery room with me wasn't ideal," She takes a deep breath, sighing as she relives the moments apart from Meredy's father, "You and Juvia are great friends. You say Natsu's your best friend, but when I see you with Juvia you two have the strongest bond," I could tell by the tone in her voice she envies me, "I always did think if you ever had a baby with one of the friends in your circle, it'd be Juvia. I hope you regret what you said to her." 

I did have a say, she literally asked me what I wanted. Yet, I didn't actually want that.

"I do. I was half asleep when I said it," I cringed at myself, planting my face into the palms of my hands, "I..." 

Saying what I said next, I never ever thought I'd say. If I had had that night that I had with Juvia with any other woman I knew, and they became pregnant, my feeling wouldn't be the same as this one. 

_ _ _  
  


"Fuck off, Gray. I don't need your shit right now." 

Juvia slams the bathroom door and immediately hisses at me, heading back in the direction of where she came from. Her face snarled at me before quickly breaking the minimal eye contact, her eyes red and she must've been emotional, maybe crying all night. 

"Juvia, please. I need to talk to you." My hand encircles her wrist, twisting her around so she can face me. 

Her eyebrows furrowed into her nose, she despised the gesture that my chest was up against hers and had no hesitation, slapping her hands on my shoulders and shoving me backwards.

She stops mid step in the centre of the corridor, her hand bashed to her mouth before mumbling and dashing back to the bathroom. 

I couldn't exactly follow her in there, as much as it worried me. She was most likely being sick. 

It's the middle of classes, like it'll be crowded. Besides, her hair was down and she needed someone to hold it back to her.

As I fiercely enter the bathroom, right away I regretted my decision. Levy had beat me to it, and threw me an awkward smile while her hands were cupped and Juvia's hair in between them. 

That was the most confusing, stumbling situation I'd ever been in. Juvia's roommate being the one to hold her hair back as she threw up, and I had entered the girls bathroom. Bearing in mind Levy doesn't know I'm the father or that Juvia's pregnant. At least I've been informed that. 

In hope that at some point Juvia would talk to me, I left the two alone. 

I waited in my car right outside the entrance, praying that Juvia would spot me and finally talk to me. She kept dodging me throughout the day as we passed each other, now that we had the chance to be alone, she might give in. 

She did, she spot me instantly. She stopped midway down the stairs, her face became cold as she eyes me. Of course, she starts to walk away, pretending I wasn't even there. That only drove me to get outside the car. I leap out, grabbing her hand as she just passed my car. All she showed was aggravation, irritation, as her perfect face snarls at me. 

"Juvia, please," My voice mellowed. I couldn't bare the tension between us anymore. 

"Gray, I think I'd rather raise this baby on my own than give it up." 

That shot right through me. I actually endured my heart sinking. I'm usually too much of a pussy to admit it, but that was enough for me to actually let a few tears loose. 

This wasn't our first feud. One of many, actually. I despised it when we were like this with each other. She hates it too. So even though she's raucous right now, I know on the inside she just wants it all to go away and for us to be completely fine again. Although, this is a much more complicated situation. She's _pregnant_. I still hadn't fully grasped it. Part of me was screaming there's no way it's mine, and praying she slept with someone else the next day. The other though, having a baby with her may be the best decision of my life. I'll guess I'll find out. 

"Please, can we just talk?"

Juvia and I were stood at the side of the building, leaning against the cracked, concrete wall. Her eyes desperate not to look into mine. It was killing me. I'd prefer her to just punch me in the jaw. Yet again, it's my fault she's like this. Note to self, don't ever speak within ten minutes of waking up. 

"I saw my dad yesterday," Her mesmerising eyes finally peered into mine, "we talked." 

"About?" 

I broke the eye contact, staring into the floor as I was actually a tad awkward, "Pregnancy... stuff." Great start. 

"You told him?" Her voice tightened. 

"Yes," I sighed with exhaustion, "Only him. I did what you did and asked for advice," Her head nod, accepting that, "He ended up calling Ultear, and she gave me a look at it from your side. But before that," I swallow my final nerves, I needed to just let it out, "I kept thinking about what I said to you. I didn't mean it. I've regretted it ever since because that's not what I want," 

Her arms drop from the fold they were originally in, eyes opening from the narrow and even she shuffled a little closer to me. My hand takes hers into mine, thank god she didn't reject my gesture, and my grip squeezed as I spoke my feelings, "I wanna keep it, Juvia. I wanna keep our baby." 

The expression of ecstatic disbelief gave me the sensation of relief. 

"Seriously." I had to add that in. 

"Seriously?" Her voice squeaked. 

I nod, my smile only widening. She practically throws herself onto me, her arms around my shoulders and my lips bury into her neck while my arms keep ahold around her waist. "I wasn't so sure myself, but hearing you say that made me completely sure." She whispers into my ear. 

I lift her up off the floor and her legs wrapped around my waist, I was so over the moon about a decision not in my life I'd ever have to make, I couldn't help myself.

In fact, in that moment I was actually at my happiest. 


	11. Cats out of the bag

Driving me to my apartment, Gray and I coudn't keep our eyes off each other. I had no idea how joyous I'd be after hearing Gray wanted to keep the baby. I was still stumped before he said that. But now I'm sure. I want to do this with him. Truthfully, I almost kissed him when he confessed. Out of excitement, of course. 

We were so psyched about this that our troublesome thoughts had temporarily vanished. They'd catch up with us eventually. My father and his mother still aren't aware, they're just a few of the people who will go insane over this. In his perspective, Levy and Lucy are not aware either.

Levy wasn't home, which relieved me. Gray and I could have some alone time and discuss things, or just catch up. 

Left on the list to tell, my father, Gray's mother, and Gajeel. I feared Gajeel's reaction mainly because of how he met Gray. He was _not_ pleased to meet him. Long story short, Gray was hammered at a party, I had just broken up with my boyfriend, so we made moves on each other, Gray's more consistent than mine. If Gajeel didn't walk in, I'd probably have a two year old by now. Back then, Gray was actually in a relationship. That's why Gajeel is iffy with him. I'd only met Gray about a week before, I instantly found him attractive and may have had a small crush on him. But of course, learning he was in a relationship put me off. It hasn't changed. Well, I think so?

"So, when did you find out?" 

The two of us sitting on the couch, me sipping some water and he having black coffee. 

He wasn't going to appreciate how long I kept it from him, "Well, I'd had symptoms for a couple of weeks, but I kept denying it. I had this metallic taste in my mouth, and the next day I was throwing up. I finally took the test last Sunday when I realised I missed my period," 

The time I found out the truth. It was getting towards nine thirty at night, I'd returned from the bar after doing some planning for Natsu's surprise party with everyone. Gray was there that night. We were speaking more freely to each other. After more than five weeks of being iffy and stiff around one another, we were finally getting back on track. I didn't drink that night, alcohol was making me feel sick. Gajeel whiffed a shot right under my nose, which drove me out of the bar. The nausea was killing me, I needed to fall on the floor just sleep. I was so exhausted, and so sick, Levy finally took me home. 

I thought I must've gotten my period if I felt so strange. After checking, nothing was there. I had a tracker app, and I never noticed I was late for two weeks. That was when it came to me; the taste in my mouth, nausea, missed period and maybe my breasts had become swollen? At first, I was stumped. Why was my body being so peculiar? During those few minutes of thinking, I'd missed the fact I'd had sex a few weeks prior to that night. Sex too many times in one night. Besides, condoms aren't one hundred percent effective. That was the only form of contraceptive we used. 

I wanted to get it out of the way. Find out I was negative as soon as I finished the puzzle. But, being so weary, I ended up collapsing in my bed and sleeping until late morning. Being awoken by the sudden slap of sickness, I realised it was time to take the test. 

I went down to the closest convenience store and bought a rather cheap test. I impatiently zoomed around my bathroom as I waited for a few minutes for the test result. I kept repeating in my head: it's negative. No way could I actually be pregnant. Then the simple plus sign changed everything. 

In thirty three weeks, perhaps more or less, I'm actually going to have a baby. With someone I'm not married to, or in a relationship with. Depending on how it goes, and how we'll handle it, maybe that status will change? I guess I'll see...

"At first I was scared shitless. It took me longer than I thought it would to tell you because I didn't even know if I wanted to go through with it... and I kept having nightmares." 

His hand fell to my shoulder from the couch, "Like?" I pulled a subtle smile as he was willing to listen. 

"That you'd leave, you'd want nothing to do with me or the baby." 

I was finally calling it a baby without hesitating. Not a thing, not a fertilised egg. Coming to terms with it, and wanting to keep it, it felt natural. 

"Juvia," He shuffled closer, hand which was on my shoulder crawled over to my opposite one, tugging me closer, "I'd never do that to you." 

My hand placed on top of his, caressing his skin with reassurance that I knew that wasn't the case. "I know." 

Now I knew, at least. A few days ago it was the opposite. 

Gray and I hadn't sat this close together, with our foreheads merely grazing each other since the first time we had sex. His arm had no intention of letting me free from his hold, neither did I reject it. His fingers intertwined with mine, grasping tight and a gap opened between his lips. I acknowledged my nerves building up once my stomach dropped. His intentions were clear: kissing me. As much as he was a good kisser, and his lips were sometimes everything I craved for, I think he's only overwhelmed at the moment. I certainly am, I'm pregnant and the past week has been the most catastrophic in my life. My emotions are scattered all over the place, my mood swings are as frequent as the minute. And he wants to add to all the commotion by locking lips with me!? 

My heart pounding with fret once his head started to lean in and his eyes partly closed. So the nights we've been physical with each other obviously meant a lot to him. I'm screaming in my own head, why the fuck does he want to kiss me!? I kept dodging a possible, and intimate reason as to why. Truthfully, I didn't want to believe it. 

Yet, as much as the confusing was punching me, I wasn't denying his touch. In fact I was following it. His forehead was now touching mine, my lips puckered and out of curiosity, I was ready to kiss him. 

"Hey, Juvia." 

Freaking out, my hands slap to his shoulders and shoved him away once Levy came back. From the angle of the couch, she wouldn't be able to figure out what was about to happen. She closes the door and eyes jolt open as she was not expecting me to be sat on the couch with the father of my baby, which earlier today I told him to fuck off. 

"Oh. Hi, Gray." She sneakily smirked. 

He's going to catch on. He doesn't lack the braincells, and has common sense. 

"Hey." Of course he was at least a little spooked, Levy walked in on what almost could've been another amorous kiss. 

I show Gray a sweet, but with smidgen of awkwardness, smile before following Levy into the kitchen. 

Levy couldn't contain her excitement. By how close we were sitting together on the couch she knew it meant good news. Her hands clasp together with a wide grin glued to her face, awaiting my news. "Well? Well?" She couldn't even keep her feet on the floor. 

I shuffle closer, lowering my voice to a whisper, "Yes, we're keeping it." I couldn't contain myself either. 

Levy did a small jump before jumping into my arms. She was incredibly family orientated, and dreams the day she gets to have a baby. So her excitement for me was astounding. 

"Juvia! I'm so happy for you!" She was on the verge of happy tears. 

A small giggle came out of me. Even though I'm giddy now I know in a few hours I'll be balling with the realisation of how painful childbirth is. 

"Yeah, I'm happy too." I admit with a delicate smile. 

"Do you want a boy or a girl? Or are you gonna raise it gender neutral? Are you guys gonna move in together? Are you two in a relationship? Wait! What about Erza?" Her hands excitingly grasped mine. 

She had too many questions for me to handle. 

I shushed her, recalling Gray wasn't too far away. "Levy, you're _far_ ahead of where I am right now. Remember, he doesn't know that you know." 

"He does now." 

Fuck. 

Gray standing in the doorway, his lips fold in and an eyebrow raised. I was going to have it that Levy acted out her reaction to fool him later on, but that was now thrown out the window. 

"You told her?" Less betrayed, more disappointed. 

"No." I answer fast, "She found out by herself." 

"Yeah, I found the test." She backed me up. 

His eyes narrow in disbelief. I wasn't skilled at secret keeping but I was genuine about this one. "Does anyone else know?"

It would only cause more commotion if I confessed about Lucy's knowledge of the pregnancy. Levy was aware of that too, so to make it more believable she did the talking for me. 

"No, just me. Honestly." She held her hand up like she was taking an oath. 

Gray's eyes roll before exiting the kitchen and going back over to the couch. I'll have to contact Lucy and tell her she needs to prepare her acting skills to be "shocked" about the big news. I took Gray's absence as my opportunity to hint a little something about his "girlfriend". 

"Okay," I breathe, "Gray's not exactly dating Erza," Her eyes jolt open, "It's complicated to explain but I'm sure he'll tell everyone what's really going on with them one day. I can't explain it myself since I want you to hear it from him." 

I wasn't sure whether we were going to tell our whole circle of friends who the father is. It really depends on his take on Erza once he tells him mother. Since he's having this baby with me, he might call it off. In my opinion, he should. Right now, my main priority was this baby. Not my love life. I hope it's the same for him. 

Gray made a big deal about Levy being aware of the pregnancy. He and his trust issues are insane. He fears that she's going to tell people, people being Gajeel, he'll come and find him and beat the shit out of him. I reassured him that Levy was the most trusting person I knew. She's mature enough to not make jokes, nor tease about spilling it around people. 

_ _ _

I made a promise to myself. Gray was more awkward around me than I was with him before I found out the consequences of that night. At Natsu's party he told me in the closet he doesn't regret having sex with me. He marked my neck, and if Gajeel never stopped us he almost kissed me in the closet. The night before I told him, he thought I was going to say something else and started kissing me, and later on we had the most sincere, passionate sex. 

I grew curious about his emotions by the second. So, my promise to myself was to focus on the baby for the entire pregnancy and the first few months of them being born, and that was when I'd ask Gray about his feelings. Perhaps something may happen before, or his feelings now will be different then. 

I had too much on my mind - one being telling _both_ my parents Gray and I were keeping the baby. Aside from my father, Gajeel I most feared about telling him I was pregnant. I know he'll be beyond supportive, it's just who the father is he'll overreact on. 

My first OB/GYN appointment was on Friday. I didn't want to go through it alone, so hopefully Gray would be by my side. 


	12. Black and White

"I really wish you didn't come." 

Far from embarrassment, I was drowning in humiliation that Gray came along with me to my appointment. I had no idea I'd be having so many tests, and having Gray in the room while I went through my medical history and my gynaecological history. The only part I had been thinking about up until the appointment was the ultrasound part. Where you actually get to see your baby on a screen, even if it's in fuzzy black and white lines. 

I kicked Gray out of the room and asked him to come back later. I wasn't in the mood to tell him my period cycle nonsense either. 

I was supposed to have an appointment when I first found out. But I was so terrified and worrying of how Gray would react I never bothered. 

My mum was a bit on edge when I told the news that Gray and I were going to have the baby. I assured her I was going to be absolutely fine. My dad always called me his "tough cookie" as I was growing up. It hasn't changed. 

Lucy was over the moon, psyched to become an aunt. She'd for sure be the fun one, Gajeel would be the type of uncle who loses control of his niblings. Even though he's not my brother, he's always treated me like his little sister. 

I talked through my symptoms with the doctors. My main concern was how often my morning sickness was, which they informed was actually normal, even if it felt abnormal by how much escaped my system each day. 

About forty five minutes after I kicked Gray out, he came back just as I was getting ready for my ultrasound. Truth is, I'm terrified. I kept fearing the worst, like what if there was something wrong with it? What if after Gray and I had gotten ourselves excited about the baby, suddenly we learn there's a defect and I have to get an abortion to save my own life? 

Gray enters the room with a plastic bag, contained with most likely food. I was starving. To keep away the sickness I'd been eating a lot more often. 

"Ah, Mr Lockser's back." 

I had to hold myself from cackling as the doctor greeted Gray. I hadn't mentioned that I was not married or in a relationship with Gray, it's unnecessary information. So of course they assume. She's having a baby so she must be married. 

"Fullbuster. We're not married." I correct, unable to throw away my smirk. 

The doctor bites her lips from embarrassment. Surely a lot of doctors experience that. 

Gray takes a seat beside me. That was when the paranoia kicked in. I grasp Gray's hand, making him jump as he wasn't expecting me to become all frantic, "Gray, I'm fucking terrified!" I loudly whisper. 

"Why?" He can be so oblivious!

"What if there's something wrong? What if there's a defect? Did you know that if there's no heartbeat signal past seven weeks it can be a sign of miscarriage!?" I speak speedily, he probably didn't catch any of that since I kept pitching and was becoming irrational. 

"Juvia, calm down. You're being dramatic. Everything's gonna be fine." 

I like to assume the worst. That way I'm not as disappointment when the worst actually arrives. I've always been this pessimistic. 

His reassurance was refreshing, even if my mind ordered me to ignore it since he was doing it just to make me feel better. That's the inconsiderate side of me. If something happens, it affects him too. 

The doctor also told me not to worry, if I hadn't had any bleeding then it should be fine. However, she did mention that it might be too early to actually hear a heartbeat. Which increased my troubled thoughts. 

The exam was just a tad uncomfortable. Beforehand, I was banned from going to the bathroom and I wasn't allowed any food several hours before the exam. Since I was in the early stages of pregnancy, the exam was internal, only initiating more discomfort with Gray in the room. I avoided eye contact at all costs. Luckily, the exam wasn't going to take long. 

Even though the monitor was fuzzy, and black and white; I was deeply overwhelmed with such fascination, bliss and contentment as the doctor pulled the monitor closer for me to see my baby. So tiny, and its figure more of a peanut, yet it gave me such relief as I learnt everything was okay. That little figure was going to grow into my baby. All of a sudden I wanted the nine months to fly by. I was incredibly emotional, and I wanted to meet my baby so badly. I could gaze at it for hours...

"I can't see it." Gray's worriment and poor eye sight ruined my precious moment. 

I scoff, pointing a finger at the miniature curved peanut-shape near the centre of the screen. "There?" 

His eyes narrow, trying to get a clearer vision, a pause before he says, "That's it?" 

I clench his hand to the point of inflicting pain. "Yes!" Men will never understand... 

He breaks his hand from mine, and points his head towards the screen. Within a second, he's mesmerised. 

"Everything appears to be okay." The doctor heartens me. 

I haven't been this smily since forever. 

We were given a photo of the scan. I couldn't wait to show Levy, her heart would melt just as much as mine did. I had to talk through some things with the doctors, again not wanting Gray to hear, so he'd agree to meet me in the car. 

Walking out of the clinic towards the car, my steps were slow as I held the small picture between my hands, I couldn't take my eyes off it. 

"Juvia?" 

A familiar voice questioned behind me. Exiting a GP which specialised in reproductive health was going to rise suspicion. I shove the photo into the pocket of my jacket, and hide my truths with a decent grin. 

"Hey, Natsu." 

"What're you doing coming out of a Reproductive health centre? Everything okay?" 

Give him a female related excuse that will make any straight man back off instantly, aside from the baby. 

"Oh," I stumble, "Um- Period... issues." I guess that was true on certain levels. 

He asked no further questions, only standing there like an idiot from embarrassment. Natsu was a decent guy, but when it comes to female health it tends to fly over his head a lot. 

His eyes gawk as he spots something behind me, I follow his stare and notice Gray was in range of Natsu's sight sitting inside the car on his phone, "What's Gray doing here?" 

"Just picking me up." 

During the pause, he glances from Gray to me, obviously having a question wander through his mind. 

"Is there something going on between you two?" 

By the way he worded that and the way it came out, he'd had suspicion for some time. Maybe since his party? That would make sense. We spent more time in the closet than we should've. We went home together. He certainly suspects we're more than just friends. 

Well, we were. We can't exactly be "just friends" now. We're having a baby together. Even if there's nothing happening romantically, or physically, it doesn't mean there isn't something between us.

"No, why would you think that?" 

He shrugs, eyes remaining on Gray with a dismay stare. 

"You guys have just been a little strange lately... That's all." 

"Natsu, seriously, there's nothing going on between us. He's only here right now because we're getting coffee together." We weren't. We actually agreed to go straight to his afterwards so I could binge eat. I only told a fabrication in order to come off more convincing. 

He gives a small nod, turning back to me and offering, "I was actually about to meet up with Lucy. You guys wanna come too?" 

It wouldn't be so bad. I'd get to show Lucy the sonogram photo and I'd get to fill my needs with satisfying muffins. 

Gray easily agreed to come along for coffee. Recently, he'd been teasing me about how he can continue surviving on caffeinated coffee and tea while I'm stuck with the decaf. It's not the same. 

Lucy, chipper as always and joyful to see me throws her arms around me, squeezing me a little too hard. After ordering, she pulls me towards the bathroom so we can talk about baby related topics, she was aware my appointment was today and was dying to see the photo of the scan. 

"So, how was it? Did you get emotional? Did Gray get emotional?" She beseeches words out of me as soon as Gray and Natsu are out of earshot. 

Playfully eye rolling at her queries, I pull out the photo from my pocket and held it out to her, "Gray couldn't see it at first. Once he did he couldn't take his eyes off it. It's small, and looks like a peanut now. But it'll turn into something amazing." 

She takes the picture into her own hands, a wide grin almost pulling her cheeks apart. "Aw..." 

The day after Gray and I decided we'd have the baby, I told Lucy first thing in the morning on the way to class. She swooned, of course. She has a feeling we're going to have a boy. For me, I wasn't sure. I was fine with either. I knew Gray was leaning towards a girl, though. We passed a baby clothes store on the way to the appointment and his heart skipped a beat at a pastel purple dress smaller than his forearm on display. 

"Hey, have you told Gajeel yet?" 

My head shakes, "I'm scared to. I fear telling him almost as much as I fear telling my dad." I admit. 

Her hand traces circular patterns on my back as she continues to keep her eyes on the photo, "You know he'll support you, right? Is it just Gray you're worried about?" 

I nod. 

"At least Loke isn't the father. He'd go ballistic at that." 

Loke was another one of my friends who Gajeel had caught making passes at me. Again, in a relationship at the time. 

Even if I was allowed to pick who I wanted the father to be out of all my male friends, it'd still be Gray. To me, he feels the right one to raise a baby with. Loke would for sure end up ditching me, Laxus was first of all gay. If he was straight he still wasn't ideal for me. Gajeel is my cousin so that's incest. Finally, Natsu's maturity hasn't improved since middle school. He knows jack shit about babies. 

"I'm thinking of telling him around the same time I tell my dad. I'm not going to reveal it to the rest of our friends since it's too early," 

"That's fair enough." She hands me back the photo, giving one final smile. 

"After Christmas I'll tell them. My bump will be pretty big by then," I caress my unchanged stomach from the top of my hoodie, "So, until then I'll rely on Gray's and Gajeel's clothes." 

I was actually wearing Gray's hoodie. He gave it to me after we slept together last week since my flannel shirt was still on Lucy's couch from the king's game. 

_ _ _ 

"Gajeel, can I talk to you?" 

Almost nine weeks pregnant, I drop by Gajeel's retro themed apartment for some of his clothes, and my reason for using them more often. Gray refused to accompany me, in fear of having a fist to the face. 

Gajeel had a threatening vibe. Body painted entirely with tattoos, face piercings, broad shoulders and biceps bigger than a six month pregnant bump. 

He places down his black guitar beside him on the couch, "Sure, Blue," That was my nickname, he started it when I dyed my hair at the sweet age of sixteen. I haven't changed it, "What's up? Ran out of my clothes?" 

I snigger at his silly joke, sitting beside him and taking his large, rough hands into mine, which he twitched at. I'm usually not so forward with touching unless it's undoubtably serious. 

"No..." I shamefully smile, "Well um... Promise me you won't get mad okay?" 

He takes a sip out of his beer can before jokingly prodding, "Unless you sold my record collection on eBay, I won't."

Again, I grin, grinding my teeth while I do so. "I'm kind of..." Spit it out! "Pregnant." 

Dumbfounded, he widely gapes at me. 

Why'd I say "kind of"? It only made my side of the story seem even more reckless.

"Juvia..." He only calls me by first name when disappointment controls the blood in his veins, "Who did this to you?" He demands in a menacing tone.

No surprise that's his first question. 

My fingers rub the top of his hand, easing his upcoming rage away. 

I'd have to mention the father anyway, he'd find out sooner or later, might as well be now, "Gray..."

"Fullbuster!? That perv!?" He abruptly stands up. 

My eyes roll at how horribly he was overreacting. He's more concerned about who put their hands on me than whether I'm feeling okay and if the baby is okay. Never mind asking if I'm keeping it, let's make a big deal about who the father is! 

"Yes!" I spit. 

His hand shades his mouth, eyebrows furrowing into his nose with a scowl. He allows himself to grasp it, learning that Gray and I actually engaged in sex. He's one hundred percent going to accuse me of not using protection. More Gray, actually. 

"How far along are you?" He questions after a long moment of silence. 

"About nine weeks." My mouth slants as my teeth continue to grind to the point where I have a headache. 

"Does he know? Are you keeping it? Is he sticking around, because if he doesn't I'm gonna give that son of a bitch-" 

"Gajeel!" I grab his attention, rising from my seat and gripping his shoulders. "Take a deep breath." 

He obliges, inhaling with depth and releasing a calmed sigh. He gathers himself together, staring up at the ceiling before locking eyes with me, visible agitation in his glare. 

"He does," I brought the picture of the scan with me, just for some reassurance I was fine. Not completely, but I'll get there. I pull out the photo from my hoodie, holding it opposite his face with puppy eyes, "and he is staying around. He'd never do that to me, okay? Even though he was scared at first, and said things he didn't mean, he wants to keep the baby." 

Gray had been spending more time with me recently. More than if things were normal. He'd get coffee with me. Drive me to classes, even though I do have my own car. I had been exhausted. Fatigue is a symptom in earlier stages, all I really crave his sleep. More so than food. 

"You'll be my baby's uncle, right? I don't want my child to be without his crazy, overprotective, Uncle Gajeel, do I?" My way of speaking had become sweet, soft, and wanting him to pander to me. 

He was immune to my method of wanting someone to indulge me. Luckily in my case, the topic this time switched him around, making my persuasions irresistible. 

He takes the photo, ogling the tiny thing soon to be a baby. Gajeel doesn't mention it much, yet he's definitely a child friendly guy. Him and Levy are meant to be, and they're meant to start a family. 

"You're seriously going to do it?" Worriment in his eyes, not patronisation. 

I nod, "Yeah. Don't get me wrong, I'm scared to death. But I want to do it. I know Gray will make a great father, so don't go beating him up any time soon." 

Gajeel carefully hands me back the photo, and pulling me into a tight bear hug. My face buries into his chest, almost suffocating myself. I reciprocate the gesture, satisfied and relieved. I could've passed out then and there. His chest was comfy, enough for me to snooze into standing up. 

"Wait," He gently removes me from his grasp, "What about Erza?" 

I was beginning to get sick of that question. I had no knowledge of what was going to happen with the marriage now. We hadn't talked about it. 

"It's a complicated situation. You'll get a full explanation one day but it's not my place to tell you myself." I had to remain loyal to Gray in order to keep his trust. 

He shrugs, accepting my response. "Are you two together?" 

I shake my head. 

No more almost-kisses had occurred between us. I hadn't asked what could've been a kiss the day we decided to keep it. It may have just been from joy, and excitement and thrill of keeping the baby. I'll stick with that, as it makes the most sense. 

"It was a one night thing. We did use protection, it just broke," I quickly defend myself, "Nothing romantic is between us." 

Or so I thought.


	13. Given away against my will

Invited for dinner at my parent's house, I fear my own life.

My mother arranged it for the sole purpose of confessing about my pregnancy to my father. Gray was accompanying me for emotional support. I was sure that once it's out of my system, I'm going to be used as a shield so Gray can hide from my father's wrath.

It's been over a day since I told Gajeel. Gray hadn't had the pleasure of running into him, so he remains in one piece. For now.

My mother eagerly greets Gray and I, wrapping her arms around me and couldn't contain herself and does the same to Gray, startling him slightly. He'd only met my mother a few times, and never had that much of a friendly greeting. Being the father of my baby, it's going to happen a lot.

My parent's house was only a little outdated, it was at least a couple of centuries old. My father likes his antiques, so most of the furniture was stuck in the previous centuries too.

My mum takes my hand and pulls me towards the kitchen. Inside, me nor Gray expected two particular people to be there.

"Hello, Fullbuster."

We enter the kitchen to witness my father talking with my uncle at the far end sitting at the table, and by the door way, Gray had the utmost friendliest greeting from none other than my troublesome cousin, Gajeel.

Gray gulps at the hideously threatening snarl Gajeel had on his face, tugging my hand and squeezing for comfort.

"Mum!" I loudly whisper, "You said it was just going to be you and dad!" Realising Gajeel is behind me, I add, "As much as I love Gajeel, you know it'll be easier for me to tell dad when no one's around."

I wasn't furious, just irritated that this happened.

"Fullbuster, a word?"

My mum's eyes glances back and forth from Gajeel to me, "Does Gajeel know?"

I nod.

Gray starts edging around me. My purpose becoming his body shield was confirmed. He also shuffles his way between my mother too. Apparently Lockser's are perfect body guards in Gray's books.

Before I could fit a word in edgeways, Gajeel almost rips Gray's shirt off when he grabs the collar and drags him out of the kitchen. I follow, of course. So did my mother, it seems. He took us into the living room, having Gray stand on an angle towards him, and his finger pointed to the spot opposite Gray as he ordered me with a glare. Fearing if I don't do as he says, Gajeel will slit Gray's throat with just his index finger, I oblige. My mum raises her eyebrow as she crosses her arms, yet saying nothing as she was curious what was about to happen.

"Gray Fullbuster, do you take Juvia Lockser-"

"Oh for fucks sake, Gajeel." I spit and turn off into another direction.

Gajeel was ordained online a few months ago for a friend's wedding. He tends to make these jokes when in a giddy mood or drunk. Apparently I'm married to Lucy in some ways. That situation happened on his own birthday. Gray narrows his eyes at Gajeel's ridiculous antics, and I ask my mum, "Mum, has Gajeel..." I signal a glass towards my mouth.

She nods. So he is at least tipsy. Great!

"Lockser, get your ass back here!"

Aggravated, I give Gajeel the finger and storm off back to the kitchen.

Already angered, I pour myself a glass of water in attempt to calm myself. My dad stops mid conversation with my uncle to come and properly greet me. Already feeling nauseous, I pull a smile to hide my queasiness as my dad pulls me into a small, but affectionate hug.

"How's my little raindrop?" His thumb brushes against my round, pale cheek.

That was my nickname from my father only. I received it as a child since I cried at least twice a day. That was on good days. I had problems keeping my emotions in check and the issue still follows me to this day. It's why it took me so much strength to actually tell Gray that I'm pregnant.

"Fine." I shrug.

His eyes slant towards the living room, "Who's this Gray, again?"

It's only natural for my dad to forget. He'd only met Gray once before and that was months ago. I, however, have seen Gray's parents on many occasions. More so his father and step-mother, his biological mother I'd only seen once and I didn't have a chance to mutter a word to her.

"Remember? I threw a party for his birthday back in March."

It takes him a short moment to recall the moments. "Rings a bell."

We're interrupted when Gajeel enters the room, causing commotion as my mum leads him towards his father. Gajeel is ordered to sit down and down at least three litres of water to sober him up. My father replaces my mother and helps my uncle keep an eye on Gajeel. Gray hadn't reappeared, must be shivering under a table in the living room.

"How're you feeling?" My mum caresses my back, keeping her voice on a low volume.

"About the pregnancy or about telling dad?" Even though my voice had a sarcastic rhythm it was a genuine question.

"Just in general, sweetheart. Have you had your first ultrasound yet?"

I brought the photo with me. I hadn't actually let go of it since the appointment. I pull it out of my pocket and let my mother take a look at it while hiding it from my father's view under the counter.

"So tiny..." She was unable to quit her grinning.

My mum missed mothering me to death. She smothered me while I was growing up, my father dealt more with the discipline side. He was interested in my future successes while she cared for my wellbeing. It was already set in stone that my dad would strangle me once finding out I'm pregnant. I know he'll say something along the lines of "how could you be so reckless during your final year at University" or "you're going to fail your exams" maybe even "Gray's life is now ruined".

We'll see how far he goes.

Exhausted, I separated myself from the social gathering once Gray rejoined. It'd give him a chance to get on my dad's good side and get to know my mother more. So, sealing myself away in my old, butterfly themed bedroom seemed reasonable to me. Sitting on my singular bed, my back against the wall and my hand caressing my slowly swelling stomach.

Before I headed upstairs, I told Gray to not follow me. I needed solitude, and to be far away from intoxicated Gajeel. My mum was occupied keeping my father decently pleased. So when it comes to the confession, he won't get as mad as he usually would.

A small knock comes from the other side of my door. I grunt, and it opens. Gray pokes his head through, allowing me to signal if he's okay to come inside. I pat the seat next to me on my bed, and he follows my offer. He slouches beside me, showing a worrisome look.

He's been in my old room before, at the party I threw him about seven or eight months ago. He ended up sleeping in there and I in my parents room. My father was out on a business trip so it was just me and my mum keeping everything in check. Back then, I was in a relationship with someone. Someone who knew Gray for longer than I had known him, and by that I mean a lot longer. We ended things on good terms, once he finished Uni he moved away from the city and neither of us could handle long distance. I saw him every few months or so, when he'd be visiting Gray. Can't wait to see his face when he finds out I'm pregnant with his cousin's baby.

"Your dad's in a good mood and Gajeel is taking a nap. It's safe to come down now." Gray informs me.

I shrug, "I think I'm gonna tell him after dinner, when Gajeel and his dad are out of the way."

Gray nods in acceptance, his eyes go from me to around the room, reliving the last time he was here. He still owes me money from when he split liquor on my favourite dress. The stain never came out. That was my most expensive outfit. Maybe his way of paying me was knocking me up.

"Haven't been in here since my birthday." He says after a moment of silence.

"You still owe me money for ruining my dress." I kill the nostalgic vibe.

"Fuck. I forgot about that."

A small giggle vibrates my voice.

If all goes well with my father, perhaps when the baby's here my old bedroom could be the baby's when visiting my parents. It'd be perfect. I wouldn't have to adjust any decorations. The butterflies fluttering on the ceiling said a lot about my mental age while I was a teenager. I was on the naive spectrum.

Until University, I was your typical innocent girl who swore to her parents she'd never drink, never smoke, maybe even stay "pure" until marriage. That was out the window as soon as I entered Uni and attended my first house party. I first smoked, drank and fucked all in the same night.

Whatever the gender, my baby is guaranteed to be trouble. Gray's morals were just as bullshit as mine.

_ _ _

"Dad, I- We have something to tell you."

After finishing my mother's splendid cooking, Gajeel had migrated back to the living room to watch some tv while his dad had gone home. We figured it'd be easier if he came back to the city with Gray and I. There I can keep an eye on him.

My dad folds his arms, a smirk suddenly emerges on his lips. "Ah," He sniggers, "I think I know," He really doesn't. Fuck, he sounds like Gray before I had the chance to tell him, "But I'll let you continue anyway." He clasps his hands together with visible excitement.

He must think we're in a relationship. My father always becomes lively with muse when I announce I'm dating someone. He's protective of me, but only to some extent. He wants grandchildren, but not until I'm at least twenty six and have to be married. That was where the rage would boil. He's extreme when it comes to traditions.

"Well... I'm-" I had no control over myself, continuing to cut myself off before I could even say it, "I'm... Gray and I..." I developed a stutter.

My way of wording it changed every second. I grip Gray's hand for comfort and a hope of protection. Gradually, after many many times of trying to spit it out. I give up.

My mother caressed my father's arm, I took that as an opportunity to turn away and bury my face into Gray's chest. If I can't see him, it'll make it better for me. Gray's arms bring in my body closer to his. In his hold, I subtly shuffle us further away from my father as much as possible.

"Sweetheart," My mother speaks my words for me, "Juvia is... pregnant," She pauses, "and Gray is the father."

My hands tug Gray's shirt, frightened with nerves.

The room became dead silent. Not even the small sounds of breaths could be caught.

"Is this true, Juvia?"

I break myself from Gray's grasp, already on the verge of a waterfall of tears. Hesitantly, I nod.

"How long have you two been in a relationship?"

He's going to tell us to get married, isn't he? Why do older generations think the best way to solve pregnancy is marriage? It's a bunch of traditional, misogynistic bullshit. Gray agrees with me on that. Ironically.

"We're not in one..." Gray answers for me.

"So you're not going to get married?" His voice tightened, becoming stern, controlling once again.

Gray's hand runs through his hair, in a state of fear. By the interpretation on his face it wasn't subtle that he was thinking about his arranged marriage with Erza. My thumb nail was in between my teeth and tearing through it.

"Dad." For once, in front of my father, I was defending myself, "Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean we have to get married."

"Then you're getting an abortion,"

He could've said anything. Anything but that. That made me sense sickness in my stomach, my heart shattered, my hands holding my stomach for reassurance for myself. I sensed Gray's usually laid back, care free aura shadowed with tense, agitated, enraged and any dark emotion you could think of.

My mother chose to silence herself. She was just as scared of my father as I was. Him, being a traditional bastard, and her, allowing herself to be under his control and do his bidding.

"I'm not having a bastard grandchild, who's parents are barely twenty one, not married and not even in a relationship. There's no way you'll be able to handle a child, Juvia. You'll be a terrible mother."

Belittling, patronising, a plain asshole. My father was incapable of change. He could never follow new ways of living, he'll be stuck in his childhood for the rest of his life.

"No." I put my foot down. "I'm almost ten weeks along. I've already become attached to my baby. Sure, I have no idea what I'm doing right now, but I have time to learn," I turn to Gray, who's just as hurt as I am by my father's words, "Gray's gonna be with me, and at least he has a father who supports him."

I couldn't bear to be in the house a minute longer. I practically ran towards the front door. Gray trailed behind me and luckily, Gajeel was waiting by the front door ready to leave with the two of us. My father spoke loudly, so Gajeel would've had a pretty decent hear of the conversation.

Leaving the house, the watering sensation in my eyes grew stronger. I could've dropped to my knees and balled right on the spot. Nevertheless, I had to stay strong. Gray walked me out of the driveway to the spot his car was parked. Gajeel had sobered up enough to go home by himself, so he parted us to catch the train. Before leaving, he apologised as I was pulled into his usual suffocating cuddles that were saved just for me. Before leaving, he too apologised to Gray, but not without the threat, "You fuck up at all, even a little bit during this pregnancy, I'm coming for you."

I became mute as I sat in the front seat of the car. The tips of my fingers tapping my knees as a distraction, doing anything to keep my tears secluded. Gray didn't comfort me with his words. Instead, he took my restless hand into his and placed a delicate, soft kiss on the tip of my head. That was when I broke down. His sweet gesture pushed me over the edge. Burning drops of my anguish poured down my cheeks. Gray's hand squeezed mine, reminding me that he was there. His arm crawled over to my other side and pulled me closer to him, my face falling to his chest. He repeatedly placed his lips on my forehead, calming me and my tears starting to fade.

_ _ _

It wasn't in our first intentions, but after my breakdown Gray decided we'd stay at his dad's for the night, maybe two. At first, I was against it. I didn't want to be a burden to his father but Gray assured me he'd be pleased to see me. However, he did warn me that he wouldn't shut up about the baby out of excitement.

I didn't have any clothes with me, Gray offered I borrow some of Lucy's as she wouldn't mind and I'd stay in the guest bedroom. But in my state, I needed company. Preferably Gray's.

It was quite a long drive to his father's. The time was getting towards eight and we'd get there around nine. I'd met Silver, his father, a few times. I first met him around Christmas during our first year at Uni, along with Lucy's mother. He's a generous and sweet man. Can never stop talking about Gray's childhood antics. He only dreams for Gray's happiness. Whether he is the best in his classes or not, it doesn't matter as much.

"Fuck..." My voice becomes whiny and again about to ball as I realised something.

"What? Are you okay?" Gray places a hand on my thigh, his tone frantic.

My hand slapped to my forehead, ashamed and pissed of my mistake, "I left the sonogram picture at my parents."

My intention was to keep every one of the photos I'd receive and make a scrapbook of my pregnancy journey, one day for me and my future child to look at. It's a bit silly, but gave me hope about what's to come next and it'd be interesting to see my baby grow. Now, because I'm a forgetful dolt, my dad's most likely going to burn it in hatred for my recklessness.

"Juvia, don't worry about it too much. Your mum will send it over if you ask her."

I took Gray's word for it. After all, even though I'm usually your average pessimist, I had to look at the brighter side of things and have a positive outlook and remain stress free.

Silver's face lights up with joy as he opens the front door as he's greeted by his son and the mother of his soon to be grandchild. He invited us in without hesitating.

"Dad, you remember Juvia." Gray was undoubtedly awkward around his father with the girl he knocked up in the room.

"Certainly do," His smile sincere.

Gray told his father we were keeping the baby only yesterday, while I was telling Gajeel. We made a deal, since we were both chickens about it. Gray was mainly embarrassed as he hates it when his dad gets overexcited and ends up laying out a life plan for Gray, while I was terrified Gajeel would punch Gray in the face. We agreed we'd do it at the same time, and if one of us didn't, then they would have to do the other a favour. Luckily, we both sucked it up. I shudder at the thought of what Gray had on his mind for me to do, he can be a sadistic bastard sometimes.

Gray's father was of course overjoyed about the news. He did give us some advice about the confession to his ex wife too. We're not planning on telling her for a while, not until I'm at least in my second trimester.

"How's the little one treating you?"

"I'm so tired," I answer, taking a seat on the couch and keeping a small smile, "My sickness is atrocious, I get a headache every so often and last night for dinner, I felt the need to make roast potatoes with raspberry jam." My breasts were also sore but like I was going to tell Gray's father that.

"You hungry now?"

I ate not too long ago, but yes, "You got any cake?"

I watch Gray and Silver enter the kitchen together. Silver mutters a few words into Gray's ear before getting a light punch in the arm and told to shut up, I wonder what that was...

Gray sat with me as I demolished the thick piece of coffee flavoured cake. His allowance was a bite, and that was it. I was starving, emotional, so something sweet was enough to satisfy most of my needs. Silver, after checking on Layla, comes down stairs and joins the two of us at the kitchen counter.

"What brings you two here at this time of night? Everything okay?"

I glance up at Gray, not wanting to explain myself, he takes the hint as I continue to stuff my face. With a nod, I give him permission to clarify our reasons.

"We went over to Juvia's parents to tell her father about the baby. He didn't take it so well."

I place the plate down and centring the fork on the plate. The verbally violent conversation replays in my mind over and over, threatened to get rid of the baby by my own father. Silver soothes me by setting his hand on my shoulder. Gray was more than lucky to have a father like his. Someone who doesn't pressure marriage for the sake of being pregnant, or tell his own child to get an abortion because the event doesn't please him and his obnoxious, outdated morals.

"Don't worry about it too much. He'll come around." Sometimes it baffled me how Silver was Gray's father.

Generally, Gray is as negative as me. His father was his polar opposite, putting looks aside. On the contrary, Gray's also been testing a positive vibe for me, and the baby.

I was granted Lucy's clothes to sleep in and be staying in the guest bedroom. Gray stayed in his old room, by himself. I needed company that night. Someone's touch to comfort me, no matter how far that touch goes and what it turns into, I needed it.

I crave it.

_ _ _

Almost midnight, I'm awoken in the night from my lack of company, needing to go to the bathroom, and a possible nightmare I was struggling to recall. The loneliness was getting to me. Gray's bedroom was two rooms next to me. His night routine consists of going to bed at a reasonable time but watching crappy tv shows until one in the morning to assist him fall asleep.

After going to the bathroom, I tip toe down the creaky corridor across to Gray's bedroom, in hope he isn't snoozing in a deep sleep. Being aware of the fact Silver and Layla were asleep in the next room, I lightly knock three times and await a reply.

Nothing.

I tap my knuckles once more, this time subtly calling his name, and I got a grunt. I carefully open the door to witness him sprawled across his bed. Noticing it was me who interrupted him, he slips out of his covers and paces over to me to make sure everything's alright.

"Juv, you okay?" His voice raspy, I must've caught him while he was drifting off.

"I'm sorry," I breathe, hand running up his bare chest, "I don't wanna be alone right now. Do you mind?"

He sighs in acceptance, tugging my hand and pulling me over to his bed. His bed was smaller than the one in the guest bedroom, so it'd keep us closer. He opens the covers up, offering me the small space next to him. Cuddling into him was nothing I hadn't done before, he seemed fine with it. The mood I was in, I especially was.

My back faced Gray as his arms slid around my waist. My back arches as I press myself further into his body, possibly inciting something. I hold his arms around me, and he leans over to place a kiss out of empathy on my jaw, until my head swiftly moves and he catches something more intimate instead. My lips.

Our mouths lightly connect for a short moment. He pulls away, confused at my forwardness. I turn my body to face him, my eyes refusing to break away. I pucker my lips and lock with his once again, deeper and more tender this time. My hand reaches to his neck, fingers sweeping through his ruffled hair. Gray melts into the kiss, a reflex of his was to grip my waist, initiating my leg to throw over his waist and press myself against his crotch, exciting him beneath the surface.

Just as I was about to lick his lip, needing our tongues to meet, he ends it.

"Juvia, what're you doing?"

I giggle as I smirk, turning our bodies over so I'm on top of him, my lips staying close to his as my hands push against his toned chest. "Kissing you?" I answer, pressing my lips against his and shutting my eyes.

I arch my back again and start grinding against him, wanting these simple kisses to go further. Our mouths reconnect, this time more open and intense. My tongue ravels around his, enjoying his taste and falling into it. Gray doesn't reject my movements, our tongues beginning to wrestle and having to break away for a brief second to catch our breaths.

"Is this what you came in for then?" He whispers between our breaths, catching my lips before finishing his sentence, "Kissing me?"

"That..." My lips mark his chin, traveling up his jaw as my hand sinks lower from his chest, sliding beneath his joggers and finally in his boxers, "and this..."

He has trouble containing pleasured groans as I grasp his cock, becoming harder in my hold. I suck on his neck, assisting his rapture as my hand continues to harden him.

"Juv, not like this." He states, out of breath.

I pull up from him, removing my hand but still sitting on top of him, disappointment in my eyes. "Why?"

His eyebrows furrow, "You're emotional."

"So cheer me up?" My words demanding.

"Juvia..." His voice saying my name forms into a moan as my grinding continues.

Nothing could hide the raging hard on from beneath me, he was completely turned on by my actions. I don't stop, watching him drowning in bliss and my hands trail up to my shirt buttons, undoing the top one, revealing cleavage.

"Come on, Gray," Another button undone, "I need some comfort..." Another, "I need sex..." The last one, "I need you," I pinch the collar of the shirt, pulling it down my shoulders, revealing my breasts to him, "to fuck me."

His eyes widen as they ogle me. Bringing me to his father's, there's no way he was expecting me to sneak into his bedroom, undress and beg him to fuck me. I take his hands, holding the tops of them and dragging them along on my bare thighs, forcing him to caress my body which he doesn't object. His hands stay on my hips as I lean back down, giving an open mouthed kiss as a final persuasion, moaning into his mouth. My teeth tug his bottom lip, grabbing his hands again and sliding them inside the sides of my silky shorts, implying him to take them off. "One friend helping out another... Like last time."

"Fine." My heart rate increases at his answer.

He grabs me, throwing me under him for him to take dominance, "I'm gonna lay down some ground rules. You don't try to kiss me, you don't tug my hair to pull me closer, and if you make even a small moan, I stop." His voice was stern and controlling.

He agreed to it solely for the orgasm. Truthfully, I wanted to be in control. I needed affectionate sex. Comforting sex.

I toss us over, making me the top. "No. Gray, I need comforting sex. I need kisses and close movements. Remember the last time? That was amazing."

He gazes at my body after my proposal, hands gliding up and down my exposed skin. He teases me, lips merely brushing against mine, taking in a deep breath and opening his lips, ready for another kiss. Until...

"Then no."

He grabs my waist once more but only to push me off him, getting out of the bed and heading for the door.

"What?" I say, dissatisfied.

"No, Juvia. It'd be too weird."

"Why!?" No longer horny and in desperate need of sex, I spat at him, "It's not like we haven't done it five times before." I had to remind myself Silver and Layla were in the next room to keep my pitch lower.

"That was different. It got weird between us for a few weeks after the first time and the next day after Natsu's party you told me you were pregnant. I'll see you in the morning."

He shuts the door, abandoning me in his bedroom, clothes lacking and mood pissed.

Perhaps he was right. I never thought what it would mean afterwards and if I'd be happy with whatever change occurred.


	14. My own secrets are the most difficult to keep

I'm awoken by my own humiliation.

I couldn't believe myself. I hadn't been that horny, demanding and scandalous in about ten weeks, thus is why I'm pregnant.

I sit up, eyes still heavy as I check the time on the bedside table and it's only 6:38am. Not only was my embarrassment the cause of my sleep coming to an end, sickness was also the case. I knew I had mere seconds before my stomach would beat me to death, so I immediately rose up and frantically searched for a bathroom down the hallway.

Gray's father's house was bigger than my parents, but luckily I located it just before my mouth couldn't hold in my sick. I drop to my knees in front of the toilet and my head is leant over the bowl as my tonsils swell and the soreness returns.

I'm unable to keep my sound on a minimal volume, and hear the door open behind me. I can't look up to see who it is, yet I can sense it's not Gray as softer, smaller hands scrape my hair into their fists.

It was Layla. Lucy's mother.

She takes a hairband and ties my hair behind my back, and soothes me by rubbing her hands mid back, helping the pain subside.

After a small puking session, I sit down completely as I turn to face Lucy's complete lookalike, minus the odd wrinkle and grey strand of hair. I take a piece of toilet paper to wipe the sick from the corners of my mouth and chuck it inside the toilet.

"Baby trouble?" She knows then.

Layla has a kind smile, more delicate than Lucy's excited one.

"Yeah."

"The morning sickness will get better, don't worry. Just remember eating always helps. Come on, I'll make you breakfast."

Layla takes my hand and pulls me up, leading me out the bathroom and downstairs into the kitchen.

She was clearly an earlier riser, Lucy was exactly the same. One weekend we took a trip together, and she'd be my morning alarm. It was convenient, Gray was the complete opposite. If I ever end up living with him it'll be me who'll have to drag him out of bed. In my current state, that might be a possible situation in the future?

If _he_ offers, my answer would be yes. It'd be convenient for us if we live together, maybe only closer, for the baby. That way the custody won't be an issue. Actually, we hadn't discussed that yet. God, there's so much to think about.

Layla and I sit together with our pancakes and she and I talk about the baby, giving reasonable advice and preparing me for the journey to come. She gave little anecdotes of her pregnancy with Lucy. Lucy was born three weeks early and apparently massive.

About an half an hour later, Silver joins the two of us and tells me adorable little stories about baby Gray. He was a mischief, and drove his parents crazy most of the time. That gives me high hopes for how obedient my baby will end up being.

After eight o'clock, Gray must've been awoken by the noisy chatter downstairs. Grouchy, he sits opposite me as his hands rub his face to awaken himself a little more. Layla leaves to take a shower and Silver cleans up the plates in the kitchen, leaving Gray and I alone together in the living room.

I peak over at Silver to double check he's out of earshot. The tension between Gray and I had tightened. It strangled me. I was awfully humiliated by my ridiculous midnight choices. I wasn't at all considerate about his feelings. My mistake was selfish, I only thought about the satisfaction of myself.

"Gray, I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't think about your feelings and how it'd be after," He stares at me for a brief moment, taking in my apology, "If it makes you feel better I'm utterly humiliated." My face cringes.

"Don't be, it's fine." He shrugs, sitting up from his slouch, "Let's just forget about it."

_ _ _

A few weeks after my scandalous antic and the atrocious situation with my father, a small bump had formed on my stomach. It could've been bloating, since I was about twelve weeks, either way it put a smile on my face.

My mother, thank god, sent the photo of my first scan. I'd had another one since, so my silly idea would come to exist. I'd already bought a pastel blue book with a butterfly strap on the front. I'm obsessed with butterflies. No matter the gender, there'll be butterfly themed wallpaper, blankets, clothes, hats... the list goes on. Gray hasn't heard this crazy plan yet.

We hadn't mentioned the night where I threw myself on him. It was better. We silently agreed on focusing on the pregnancy, our feelings were never discussed.

Lucy was over at my apartment, gazing at my tiny bump, intrigued and amazed. "So small but so cute already!" She squeals. "Oh, just to think that's gonna get bigger..." Her amazement turns into awe.

"I'm telling Gray you know today."

"Good luck." She scoffs. "Oh. I forgot to ask. Have you two discussed your current feelings, Erza, his mum and all that stuff?"

I shake my head, pulling my hoodie over my exposed stomach, "No. It's a bit of a taboo subject." My voice mellows.

"How about you wait a bit before pissing him off with the fact I found out way before he did and talk about that instead? Also, are you two gonna live together?"

That'd make more sense. Frankly, I wasn't in the mood to face Gray's wrath.

"It'd be easier for Levy, I don't wanna bother her with a screaming baby. But I'm not sure if I'll live with Gray, necessarily," Again, _only_ if he asks,

"Fuck..."

The sudden realisation hit me like a punch in the face. Overwhelmed with how much had slipped my mind, I had to sit down. I fell to the couch, my mouth gaping with shock as my brain felt like it was having a seizure.

"Juv? You alright?" Lucy's hand reaches to my shoulder.

"No... I just realised how much I haven't thought about. I can't live by myself, my _part-_ time job doesn't pay that much. I'm gonna be spending double since I'll have a baby and buying all the necessities for them. If Levy doesn't mind me staying here I don't even have a spare bedroom for when it's a little older. What am I gonna do about exams?" I squeak, "I haven't told my professors I'm pregnant. Fuck! Are they even gonna let me graduate this year!? My baby is due _exam_ week! Lucy! What am I gonna do!?"

I could hear my own heartbeat I was in such a state of panic. My breathing abnormally fast, riddled with fright, and possibly stress. I had bucket loads on my plate, I was choking on my own forgetfulness.

"Juvia, breathe," Lucy's fingers comb through my hair in attempt to calm me, I was actually shaking! "You know stress is horrible for pregnancy. Don't think about too much at once. You and Gray can make a little to-do list. Remember, you still have time."

To a level, I guess that was true. I had approximately twenty eight weeks to my due date, June 11th, and before then I have plenty of time to get my life together.

"I guess-"

Interrupted by a knock at the door, I realise it's Gray. Lucy gets up and opens the door for him, his care free, relaxed appearance suddenly merged into apprehension as he spots my mess of a state on the verge of tears.

"Juvia, what's wrong?"

"I'm gonna be a horrible mother!" My voice echoes as the salty drops of anguish flood down my cheeks and my hands slap from my mouth to my sides.

Gray's eyes shoot open as he assumes I just blurted out our secret while Lucy is only a metre away.

"Don't gimme that look she knows already!"

I gave up with the secrecy, he was going to find out anyway so I may as well scream it out for the world to here.

"What!?" Gray screeches.

My face falls into the palms of my hands. I didn't have the mental capacity to deal with Gray all worked up and whiny. I relied on Lucy to calm his growing tempter, luckily she granted me my wish.

"Calm your tits!" Not quite what I was expecting, "Gray, we can discuss how I found out _way_ before you did later," Taunting? Not helping!

" _Way_!?" Gray retorts.

"Shush!" After hearing a hardish slap on the chest, my fingers slip down from sheltering my eyes so I can watch Lucy calm down Gray. Mainly for supervision, she sometimes goes overboard, "Juvia is really stressed, okay? And you know that's not good. So, you two are gonna come up with a to-do list to cover things. Juvia isn't sure how she's going to handle school work, her job and a baby at the same time. She still needs to tell her professors she's pregnant and see if her exams can be moved since she's due around that time."

Gray's temper faded. Pacing over to me, he takes my hands and pulls me off the couch. Soothing me, his hand brushes through my bangs as his thumb caresses the top of my hand, "Don't stress about it today, Juvia. I'll look into it for you." His lips mark the spot of my forehead which no hair was covering.

We turn to Lucy, who appeared to be squealing under that grin her cheeks were pulling. "I'm sorry, I just can't believe you guys are actually having a baby!"

Gray's strong arms pull me closer to him, latching around my waist as his cheek rests on the tip of my head, "Me either."

Lucy joins our tiny cuddle, wraps her arms around me and Gray's around the two of us. Even though Lucy isn't biologically related to the baby, she's the most enthusiastic about it, and more than over the moon about being an aunt.

First finding out I was pregnant, I never dreamed of the support I was receiving. I assume the worst. In my head, I imagined only Levy would be a little supportive. My fear with Lucy was that she'd call me a slut. Back then, I wasn't aware of the fact she knew the situation with Gray and Erza.

_ _ _

'I've done some research and you can get a childcare grant, if you keep your job it should be enough. Since you're a freelancer you don't have to take as many jobs as you usually do and that money will be combined with the grant.'

Gray messages me in the evening regarding our current problem, finances.

I was in the bath at the time he messaged me and was getting pretty sleepy. So, having Gray text me some solutions should help me sleep better.

'How much?' I immediately text back.

'Depending on your situation, up to 17500 jewels a week.'

I'd certainly have to keep my job.

'If it's not enough with your job money, you can move in with me if you want? I do work for my mum so we'd have plenty of money.'

He actually offered? I thought if anything I'd be the one to ask.

'I don't want to be a burden to you.'

Gray enjoys the company of himself from time to time. He needs social breaks and to be left in solitude, he's the biggest introvert in the entire group.

Then again, with a baby you're not exactly going to get that. Not at least for another eighteen years.

'You won't be, it'd be easier anyway. We won't have any custody issues and go through that draining bullshit. My apartment is big enough for a baby, you'd each have your own room.'

It was surprising by how fine he was with that choice. My doubts were always present, so saying yes straight away wasn't ideal for me.

'Let me think about it.'

'How about you give me your answer on Christmas? That gives you plenty of time.'

Living with Gray would unquestionably benefit me. Having my baby live with both their parents and not having to switch between homes every week or so may be better too.

My only issue, it adds to the question of Gray and I. Our relationship was a maze that neither of us had found the correct path through. Perhaps I should question him on what that night meant to him, the night of Natsu's party. The most passionate sex I've ever had with someone. There's no possibility of it meaning nothing to him, it wasn't a simple fuck.

I don't want to increase the tension. I wasn't sure if I had feelings for him, I hadn't asked myself that. All I knew was I didn't see him as my friend. He's more than that. Much more.


	15. Intoxicated Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ - GO BACK AND READ THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER...
> 
> I realised I accidentally missed out a chapter and published fifteen instead of fourteen, so this is Intoxicated Confessions and the previous is the one I meant to post. Sorry if you were confused before!!!

Gray's POV:

Offering Juvia to live with me was something that first hovered around my mind when I told her I wanted to keep the baby. Simply because, I didn't want a custody fight. I've experienced it first hand.

Having my parents fight over me was the worst part of their divorce. My father didn't agree with the fact my mum had barely any time with me since he'd be the one responsible for raising me. I would be a mere visitor at my mum's house. My dad had met Layla before the divorce. Lucy too experienced my parents feuds whenever we hung out together. I was only eight.

Juvia would need to be the one who had our baby most of the time anyway. She's the mother and it's incredibly important for her to bond with them. I only have one problem with it: I don't want to miss a thing. I want to see my baby growing up, see them take their first steps, say their first word. If Juvia and I live apart I'm going to miss a lot, and when with me she might miss some of the miracles too. I know that will break her heart.

"Hey dude." Natsu heads straight towards my fridge as he lets himself into my apartment.

"What're you doing here?"

He digs his head inside the fridge before answering, a few seconds later pulling out a chicken leg by his mouth and a can of beer in hand.

"Thought we could hang out? We haven't in a while." Half of that sentence was pure mumbling since his mouth was stuffed.

I hadn't spent time with anyone apart from Juvia, really. Our baby hadn't left my mind.

"Sure."

"Actually," He shuts the fridge, following me to the couch, "I have something I wanna tell you."

He's either gay and wants to marry me, or has something dirty on me and wants to question if it's true.

"You tryna propose?" I chuckle, the tension had suddenly become thick, that was my way of decreasing it.

His face remained straight. He's actually serious? Natsu's the most lighthearted person I know. He's never not smiling, it's a part of his physique.

"I know about you and Juvia."

Fuck.

That could've meant many things by his choice of wording. He may have the wrong idea, or actually be aware of the fact I got her pregnant and we're having the baby.

"W-What do you mean?" Playing dumb to it... Our roles had reversed.

His eyes roll with frustration I didn't just accept it, "I know you're cheating on Erza with her."

Ah... I overestimated him.

There's no way he could've known about the pregnancy. Unless Lucy told him. Which I was actually still pissed about. Since Juvia has a lot on her plate I didn't make a giant fuss about it. Plus the story of how she found out calmed my temper.

"We're not together. Why would you think that?"

His eyes narrow at me. He's obviously got some sort of evidence that one might think I'm in a relationship with her.

"The day after my party, I came over here, and saw you two in bed together. _Naked_."

Fuck. I never should've given him a key. I knew that would bite me in the ass one day.

I wasn't lying, though. Merely hiding certain truths.

"Yeah, okay. We slept together. But we're not in a relationship."

Instead of getting a satisfied reaction that I admitted my truths, his face tensed and I instead received the opposite.

"Is that why you two left early?" He growls, "Not because she wasn't feeling great but so you two could get some action?"

Partly? I hadn't thought about it much.

At first, that was the reason I assumed. A little more than that, if I'm honest. I made the stupid move of assuming what she was going to say and started kissing her, not letting her fit a word in. Yet, she didn't deny it.

Honestly, a part of me was still pissed about how she continued the lustful actions with me while originally planning to tell me she's pregnant. She had sex with me knowing our previous time concluded in what's currently growing inside her. I'm not one to hold grudges, that's why I haven't brought it up again. I won't hesitate to if she decides to continue what almost happened in my bedroom at my dad's.

"Not exactly. It's a complicated situation and we're not ready to tell yet."

Natsu was one to make me shout, this time I had to keep rational. I desperately wanted to tell someone but I knew if it was Natsu, he'd blurt it out to the whole world.

"She's pregnant," My eyes widen and lock with his, how the fuck would Natsu of all people be able to figure that out!? "Isn't she?"

Not speaking, nor moving.

"Don't bother trying to cover it up. I can't remember the last time I saw her with a drink or cigarette, you two have been different for weeks, and what tops it off is that I've seen her going in and out of reproductive healthcare clinics."

I need a cig...

I hadn't smoked in weeks, simply because I was quitting for Juvia and our baby's sake. It was a hobby that would result in a heart attack, so that again backs up my reasoning.

I pinch the collar of my jacket lying over the couch, and head out the door. Behind me, Natsu making gags, throwing fits and unable to form coherent sentences.

He follows me like a paparazzi. Down the corridors and inside the elevator.

"Gray! Where you goin'? You gonna answer me?" He demanded for the fourth time.

"Need a smoke."

_ _ _

After stopping by the convenience store for my favourite packet of cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey, Natsu and I sat on a park bench in the growing cold. I only had two layers, my t-shirt and jacket. Having the cigarette being my comfort tool while the alcohol numbs my body till I'm dead.

We split the bottle between us, each taking swigs in turns. By the end of the night, it's a promise we'll be shitfaced.

"You actually got her pregnant? How far along is she?"

I take a drag off the cigarette which was cemented between my middle and index finger, "Thirteen weeks."

"So you're keeping it?"

I nod, snatching the bottle out his hands for myself.

"Yeah." My replies kept short.

"You don't seem too happy about that."

He's wrong. So wrong.

"I'm overwhelmed. I have my up and down moments. Most are up, you're just witnessing the down," I chuckle to remain lighthearted. I unzip the pocket in my jacket, pulling out a copy of the photo of Juvia's recent ultrasound, my baby more formed into shape and less peanut looking, and the size of a passionfruit, "That's from her recent scan."

Natsu takes the photo, gazing in awe. Seeing Natsu intrigued by a baby was beyond him.

"So... What does Erza think of all this? Are you two broken up now? I haven't seen her in a while."

I take the photo from him and hold it out in front of myself. It hadn't truthfully hit me that when the summer comes I'm going to be a father, mainly because the summer seems lightyears ahead. When really, it's only months away.

"We're not together," He sympathetically nods, patting my shoulder for condolences, "We never were." His gesture pauses.

He sits there blankly, needing immediate elaboration. "She doesn't know about it yet, neither does my mum..." I couldn't be arsed to go through it in great detail. Honestly, it was nerve wracking for me. The only other person I had told was Juvia. Lucy knew too, but that's because of her big mouth mother. "I agreed to an arranged marriage with Erza," I'll keep my explanations concise, "because for the rest of my life I assumed I'd never settle down. I know it's incredibly 1920s, but the reason why my mum came up with the idea was so Erza could get her mum out of debt, so she'd be secure in the country... And she's lesbian."

His lips fold in to hold in his sniggers. Yes, I'm "dating" a lesbian. Quite embarrassing when people become aware of the truth.

"Why'd she agree to marry you if she plays for the other team?" He nicks the bottle back from me, taking a large gulp.

"Because her family is homophobic. It works out for her greatly. We agreed that we'd marry each other, I'd mess about for the duration of our marriage. When her family visits we'll stage the whole thing and pretend to live together. Then when the time comes she finds the real person she wants to spend her life with, we'll see if we qualify for an annulment, or secretly get a divorce behind her parents back and that's that."

He gapes for a moment, processing the information that I attempted to be concise when really I went too far into it for Natsu's liking. While waiting for a reply, I remove my cigarette and put it out on the concrete path, squishing it with the toe of my boot.

"So... now that Juvia's pregnant, you don't know what's gonna happen with that?"

I nod. It was promised my mother would go batshit crazy. Call me reckless, give me a lecture about keeping it my pants, put most of the blame on Juvia and find a way to make me the innocent victim, maybe even have the exact same reaction Juvia's father had and tell me to convince her to get rid of it.

"Yeah. I'm trying to have it the least of my worries for now. My focus is on Juvia, the baby and how we're gonna make this work. As far as I'm concerned, I think we should tell my mum when Juvia is twenty weeks gone. Then she can't pull the abortion card. I'm already excited to be a dad, and I don't want my mum ruining it for me."

_ _ _

While talking, the alcohol didn't waste time and went to our heads within ten minutes of our conversation. By the end of it, our words were slowed, slurred, in the wrong order, and on a few occasions we'd change subject mid sentence.

"So... you know-" Natsu was unable to keep his own head up, it rested on the back of the bench and his eyes remaining on the stars dotted around the darkening sky, "You remember that blue haired chick, Juvia, yeah?"

"No no... Levy. Levy has blue hair."

"Who?"

For some odd reason, my body had the need to get off the bench and sit on the concrete next to the five cigarettes that I'd partly consumed and put out.

"You know her!" I scold, "Gajeel's sister!"

Cigarettes may have not been the only thing we lit up and smoked...

"I thought Gajeel had a brother?"

"No!"

Our second whiskey bottle between us was a quarter way down. The previous split evenly, and frankly my liver was about to crawl out my body, maybe my kidneys too.

"Okay, you remember that chick you got pregnant. The one you had sex with."

"Yeah?" My answer was more of a hiccup as I turn to him.

"Was she good enough to make you cum? Or did you fake it?"

Suddenly, in his mind, we were females who were never sexually satisfied enough.

Gradually, I press my hands into the concrete, wobbling as I stand up, grabbing the neck of the bottle as I do so and taking a rather large swig, stumbling backwards and facing Natsu.

"Oh fuck me I came," My voice hoarse as I remove the bottle, "Best shag I've ever had... We ended up doing it three times that night, and again in the morning" I lost the ability to stand up, having to get on the bench to give my legs a rest. Yet, I decides sitting on top of Natsu would be far more comfortable, better yet, _straddling_ him. I grab the top of the bench on his sides, placing my knees on the outsides of his legs. He had no objection to this whatsoever, "Once on the couch, once from behind, once with her riding me," I lean in, my voice lower than ever, my smirk emerges as my mind relives the god forsaken, torturous sex we had, "and the next morning I was banging her against the shower glass."

Natsu erupts with laughter, inciting a snigger from me as well as our foreheads bang together. A nauseating sensation building up in my mouth, I move my head from Natsu's and fall to his shoulder. About to throw up, I'm startled with puke coming a different direction. Natsu chucking up on my t-shirt.

The rest of the night was a haze. I kept puking, I couldn't breathe properly, Natsu caught hypothermia... The issue became so drastic, we ended up in hospital.


	16. Sweet, sadistic memories

"What happened? What happened?"

Lucy called me around two in the morning, distressed and I could just about understand her. I was ordered to come to the Hospital immediately, as Natsu and Gray's recklessness throughout the night caught up with them. 

"They're fucking idiots, that's what." 

Lucy had been waiting for my arrival outside the entrance. Her arms were crossed with a scowl sewed to her face. She takes me inside by hand, pulling me to a couch as we enter a waiting room. Her eyes refused to make contact with mine, staring up at the ceiling as her rage eased and the tears replaced it. 

"Natsu and Gray went out drinking, got high and now they've got alcohol poisoning. So Natsu has a tube down his throat right now to help him breathe, and Gray..." 

By the way her frustration formed into apprehension, Gray's case was guaranteed to be much worse. 

My heart began to race before she was able to finish her sentence, my breath accelerating. 

"is getting his stomach pumped..." 

I fear my baby's future mistakes because of that man. Sometimes, I can't believe I'm having a baby. Others, it's strange to think I'm having _his_ baby. 

_ _ _

Lucy and I had been waiting for almost an hour. Every now and then she'd go an check on Natsu, and the third time she came back I had the misfortune of being informed about Natsu's knowledge of my pregnancy. 

My day started off the usual. In terms of enjoyment, average at best. Gray and I hadn't spoken since yesterday, I had an assignment for work to complete, I grabbed coffee with Levy, Lucy and Mira, and I had my meeting with the head of department. 

My exams have been moved to September, when the retakes are being done. I've also been granted some sorts of special treatments; if I need to leave class I'll be allowed, if I need an extension of deadlines they have to obey my request. 

By ten, I was nice and cozy in bed. I'd messaged Gray some minor details of what went down in my meeting, and fell asleep peacefully. Four hours later, Gray's drunken habits just couldn't be concealed. Even though he promised. 

He promised me, that while I'm pregnant, he won't drink, or smoke. This was on his own terms, not my orders. He's aware that I enjoy my alcoholic beverages and how I envy my friends as they drink away the night. Out of sympathy, he swore an oath for the next months he won't drink a single drop, and especially not smoke around me. 

Karma had hit him severely. 

"Juvia, you look exhausted. Why don't you take a nap?" 

I couldn't. For the past hour Gray had been on my mind. He's taken a hit like this before, it took him weeks to fully recover. 

"I can't sleep. Not now." 

Lucy doesn't take my reasoning into consideration. Instead, her hand reaches for my shoulder and pulls me into her body, my head resting in the crook of her neck. Lucy pulls her rather large cotton coat off her shoulders, throwing it over the two of us in use like a blanket. 

"Please, Juv. If you don't sleep tonight you'll collapse on campus tomorrow. _You_ and your baby need rest." Her voice gentle, and soothing as her hand crawls to my swelling stomach, caressing my bump from top to bottom in repeated patterns. 

My bump wasn't that noticeable. The shirt I was wearing accented it, revealing my pregnancy to strangers in the hospital. Around people who weren't aware I was pregnant, I'd be dressed in Gray's and Gajeel's oversized clothes. 

Being cradled in Lucy's arms assisted me in dozing off. I wasn't aware for how many hours I slept for, I was just relieved to get some shut eye. 

_ _ _

My eyes gradually flutter open, not to be alone in a warm, soft bed. But to be laying next to a man I never thought I'd have a night of such overwhelming sex with. His arm draped over my naked body, as he continued in a deep, peaceful sleep. My hand travels up from beneath the sheets, to his face and brushing away the raven, messy bangs from his forehead. My eyes caught sight of light bruises dashed around his neck, up to his jaw. I marked my temporary territory perfectly. As he did the same to me. Sliding out of the sheets, I spot hickeys from the tops of my breasts, between them and dotted around my stomach. My face turns to smirk at sleeping Gray as I stand up and enter the bathroom. 

I turn the shower on to a decent heating, and as I was about to step in my attention is grasped by the nude man standing in the doorway, his smirk indicating his hunger. Enticing him, my teeth pull my bottom lip... Last night wasn't enough. I needed another round. 

"You gonna join me or just stand there?" I tease after many moments of silent ogling. 

Gray doesn't waste another second as he heads towards me, a devilish grin pulling at his lips. He enters the shower, grasping my wrists and pinning my hands above my head, my breath hitching as our mouths connect once more. His kissing vigorous, lusting, filled with greed. His intentions were quite clear, 

Fucking the life out of me. 

_ _ _ 

"Juvia?" 

Lucy's hand shakes my body in a gentle manner to wake me. I notice myself laid down on the couch, Lucy's coat covering a large percentage of my body.

"Are they done with Gray now?" My voice croaks. 

She nods, "They finished with him hours ago. He hasn't woken up since, but you can go in there if you want? I didn't tell you as soon as they came up here so you could sleep a little longer." 

I nod, pushing myself by the palms of my hands off the couch. 

Seeing him with tubes connected to his body, one being his nose and the other a drip in his arm was a depressing sight. Gray has control over his habits, and only goes overboard occasionally. Nostalgic it is, really. I first met Gray in a similar situation. 

Long story short, first year of University, a friend of mine was having minor surgery and I was going to be there when she woke up. I waited about for hours, so I dawdled around the hospital. Shaking vending machines to see if I could get a free snack, sticking my nose into other people's business and peeping into their hospital rooms. That was when I saw Gray. That time, he was conscious and his case less severe. He playfully ridiculed me for spying on other patients. Our conversation grows, I learn he attends the same University as me, his major is psychology, and he went out drinking with his step sister and got himself into that mess. Similar to now, minus the stomach pumping. 

I take the seat next to Gray's bed, taking his hand into mine and resting my chin on the bed, close to his face. His face paler, eyes heavier and again, it'd take him a while to recover for sure. I kept thinking that the next time I'd be in hospital and holding his hand I'd be giving birth. After all the pain, the blood, the screaming I'd finally get something amazing out of it. 

Exhausted, I pass out quickly and in the comfort of holding his hand. Previously, in my dreams, my mind revised an overpowering, lip biting moment between us, and it continued. 

_ _ _

Gray's hands keeps ahold of my wrists above my head, his tongue licking my lips, needing to enter my mouth. Teasing, I refuse at first, keeping our kisses to the same lips only level, smirking in addition. He's not fond of my gesture, a hand falls from my wrists and caresses my dampened skin, going further down, from the side of my breast, fingers tracing over my nipple on his way down, and his hand squeezes my ass. He'd have to try a little harder than that. Shocking me, his hand suddenly slaps it, making me gasp and his tongue quickly diving inside my mouth to meet mine before my mouth closes again. 

His lips were tender, hungry and almost forceful. Completely overpowered by the sensation of my mouth on his, his grip loosens around my wrists and I manage to free myself. My hands go from his neck and slipping through his dampening hair. My face turns, pulling him closer and allowing our kiss to deepen. My eyes break open for a small second as my teeth take his bottom lip and playfully tug it, my hand going further and further down from his neck, chest, abs and he groans inside my mouth as I grip him. 

His hardness had been growing ever since he entered the bathroom, and was on the brink of coming as my hand lightly holds it. His hands are on my hips once I start stroking him, my tongue silencing his moans. My hand is placed on his shoulder, pushing him away and slamming him against the glass, switching our positions. Rapid kisses are given to him around his body as I slowly drop to my knees. Continuing my hand gestures, I gently kiss the tip, and swirl my tongue around it before taking as much as possible into my mouth. 

Gray's hand quickly grabs a handful of my hair, moving my head in the motions to his liking. His eyes stay on me as I suck, and odd gags escape me as his cock hits the back of my throat. A pleasuring sensation began to build up in my stomach. I desperately needed touch, preferably to have him inside me. 

My mouth being too much for him, his head rolls back as he violently curses. Enticing him, I moan while my mouth moves around his now throbbing cock. His chest is already heaving and he knows he's about to cum when he doesn't plan to. He tugs my hair back and removes me, pulling me up by my shoulders and switching our positions so I'm once again against the glass. Our mouthes reattach and our tongues wrestle, his hand returning the favour and circle around my clit, stimulating me. His thumb takes over, and his fingers move places, slipping inside me, driving me insane, "Mm... Gray..." I break away for a brief moment to let out a small moan.

Small thrusts with the addition of his thumb on my swelling clit, I break away the kiss as a screaming moan releases from within. Wanting to hear every second of my moans, Gray keeps his lips on my neck, forming more and more bruises as he nibbles next to the previously marked ones. My mouth his by his ear, my eyes sealed shut and humming-like moans vibrate my throat during the bliss of his fingers inside my clenching walls. 

Only a moment later, my thighs are picked up and wrapped around his waist, my arms latched around his shoulders for support. Our lips grazing past each other, from what was neat, passioned, sensational kisses quickly became sloppy, messy asynchronous kisses once he thrusted inside me after teasing with the tip against my core. 

The thought of being slammed against the shower glass by Gray never once came to my head. Waking up this morning, I assumed my morning would be simple. Have a shower, maybe stay for a morning coffee and leave with one final kiss, and when we next saw each other the events from today and last night were forgotten. Fuck... I was so wrong. 

The two of us lost control. Our mouths would attach and detach. Tongues would merely lick the others before landing on somewhere else on our bodies. Hands were unable to stay in one spot and would trail about each others bodies. Mine gliding around his shoulders, and his from my back to squeezing and spanking my ass. 

My walls tightening around him drove him insane, "Juvia, you do that again and I'll cum inside you when I want this to last a little longer." 

Then it came to me. We were so hypnotised by our touches, caresses, kisses, and now the heated, wet and powerful sex we completely missed the fact about how we weren't using protection. 

My face froze, mouth movements stopping, while Gray doesn't pause his thrusting. He quickly takes note of my expression, and finally ends it, "What?" 

"Gray... We're in the shower." I point out.

He missed the point, "Yeah, and?" 

"The condoms are in the kitchen." 

"Fuck!" He pulls out without hesitation, dropping me to the floor. 

I couldn't help a little giggle, my forehead hitting his chest as it's actually laughable how excited we became. 

"Want me to get them?" His clear intention was to continue the shag, however my mood had been killed as the thought of having unsafe sex with him came back to me. 

Yet again, if I went home with our final time being paused midway through, I'd be dissatisfied knowing our final time having sex was never concluded with another brain numbing orgasm. 

"How about we just take a shower for now, and continue this later?" My index finger circles on his pec. 

He accepts my proposal, lightly kissing my forehead as we step completely under the water.

_That was a close one..._

_ _ _

That shower sex was awfully ironic. We stop because we forgot to use a condom, yet might as well have continued since I'd be in the same mess as now. 

After the shower, we didn't have sex again. Well, until the two of us were having coffee on his couch, and the next thing I knew the coffee wasn't the only thing filling his mouth. 

It's almost been three months since then. If I wasn't pregnant, I have absolutely no idea how we'd act around each other. It was awkward for five weeks, started getting better, and now that I'm pregnant, that's all we're focusing on. 

I'm seriously going to strangle him when he wakes up. 

After a short snooze beside him, his position remained fixed, apart from his hand which had squeezed mine and held it close to his lips. Keeping my hand in his hold, I carefully pull out my phone from my jacket pocket to check the time, 

Not as much of a short snooze as I thought. I slept for seven hours. I'd missed my first class of the day and the next was about to start, along with Gray's. Like he'd be able to turn up anyway. 

I notice a message notification, must've been from Lucy, 

'You seemed exhausted and I didn't want to wake you so I just left you with Gray. That situation will be the opposite in the summer with him holding your hand, and a baby! I'll get someone in your class to get notes for you and I'll drop by after lunch x' 

I needed the break. Class was work piling me, the nausea had just kicked in and the fatigue was present every second of the day. 

When I turn off the screen and slip it back into my pocket, Gray's eyes are open. His hand still holding mine, the tips of my fingers tracing over his lips. "Juvia..." He breathes. 

"Idiot." I reply. 

He stares at me for a moment before startling me with his words, "I'm so sorry." 

I wasn't expecting an apology. I was actually waiting for an explanation for his troublesome actions, hoping in to defend himself and use Natsu as his attorney. 

Continuing to keep my hand in hold, he presses his on the bed to push himself up. Now sat up, his mouth repeatedly marks the top of my hand, trailing up to the bottom of my forearm as sincere apologies are muttered between his kisses. 

His kisses stop, arms pulling me closer to him as he buries his head in the crook of my neck. He must be drunk on the fluids. Honestly, it was a little laughable. "I know I said I wouldn't drink while you were pregnant. But Natsu came over, and we got carried away. Please don't let this get in the way of your decision." 

He wants me to move in that bad? It makes sense, I guess. If we live apart I'd be the one taking care of our baby the most seeming as I'm the mother, and he loves this baby just as much as I do, and he's not even carrying it. Another reason, Gray doesn't want me to do this alone. Raising a child mostly by myself will be overwhelming. So, if we live together it'll be easier to switch turns. 

"Gray, I'm not mad at you." His held tilts upwards while humoured smile pulls at my lips, "Sure, you scared the shit out of me. But what matters is that you and Natsu didn't drink yourself to _complete_ death. I still haven't entirely made my decision yet, but I won't count this as a reason not to," I release my arms, brushing my jacket out of the way and revealing my small bump to him. I take his hand and let him embrace it, the way his eyes gazed at my bump made my heart melt, "As long as you _never_ do anything to hurt me and our baby, I think I'm pretty set on moving in with you." 

I'll admit, I was leaning towards accepting his offer. It was the most convenient. I had considered how it'd effect Gray and I in a romantic sense, but we'd be so busy with the baby it may slip our minds for a certain amount of time. 

"I'd never dream of hurting you." He places his lips on the tip of my bump. "Oh," He quickly pulls himself up, "I should probably tell you that Natsu knows," Of course he does, "He kinda figured it out by himself." 

I'd lost the will to scold. My main crave was sleep, "As long as he doesn't blurt it out to the whole world, I don't think I care anymore." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have three chapters left in my drafts, I'll start publishing once a week if I can


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